Parents that Write #5: Walter's Diary
IDEA: This column is a shot of hope
Welcome to my weekly interview column.
When conversation turns to parent creatives - writers and artists, especially mothers - the focus often shifts to the chaos and supposed impossibility of juggling creativity with parenthood.
—> Let’s CUT THE NOISE:
Parents publish books, drop albums, get screenplays optioned, and pour their souls into poems every single day.
How do they do it? That’s what we’re here to uncover.
I’m delighted to showcase talented parent-writers and creators as they answer eight bite-size questions, plus a few more they pick from a juicy list I send their way.
But before we meet today’s guest, here’s a peek behind the scenes of my own creative life.
No-Fluff Notes from my Writing Life
If you’ve been following along, you’ll know that in interviews with Remy Bazerque, Schmuel Chaim Naiman, Tracy Mansollilo and Christin Thieme, I describe how I left the real-life Neverland1 island fired up to create my own publishing imprint.
On my island escape I realised that both publishing conversations on the table revolved around the same tired notions of motherhood that needed serious unpacking.
If I’d accepted their terms, I’d be complicit in upholding those assumptions. My mission was to tear down these myths, and I couldn’t do that while boxed in by those commercial deals2.
My advice:
Consider ‘the box’ any deal might put you in. Step back and ask yourself - are you being pushed into a narrative that doesn’t align with your true vision? What assumptions are you being asked to swallow, and do they match the messages you’re driven to put out into the world?
Within a week, I’d had frank conversations with the commissioning editors at both publishers who were keen on the book. They got it.
Back in January 1942, Anais Nin set up her own small press in a loft to print and self-publish a new edition of her third book, “Winter of Artifice”. She taught herself typesetting and did most of the manual work by hand.
I didn’t need to go to those lengths. Times have changed.
With zero experience, I plunged into learning how to set up a publishing imprint from scratch.
Would I just publish my own book(s), or should I branch out and take on other writers? That was me running ahead of myself.
What would I call it?
Did I need to set up a new business?
How much cash would this take?
I was in a flurry of activity, but one thing was certain - I was buzzing with excitement to write the book that I knew needed to be written about motherhood.
The story continues in next week’s column.
Today’s guest is Walter who writes the Substack - this publication is a candid and personal journal by a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and dyslexia. Walter shares reflections on his struggles and growth, focusing on both personal and business transformation. He offers readers an intimate glimpse into his journey of recovery and self-discovery.
Share a broad snapshot of your life. Who are you parent to and/or have caring responsibilities for?
- Born and raised in Germany
- Heavily dyslexic and suffered a great deal
- made it through High school, studied (engineering) and got a good first job
- joined McKinsey (never thought that would be possible)
- moved down under with the firm
- met my partner at the firm (we have two boys 6 and 3 now; turns out she is a narcissist and we are in the process of separating; I can't handle it anymore)
- left McKinsey and became Founder of a FinTech start up (was always an entrepreneur, founded my first company with 16)
- raised a couple of millions, built a great product with a great team, long sales cycles (enterprises) and interest rate hikes dried up funding so we had to close
- back to consulting; working 2-3 projects at the same time to pay for the bills
- specialise in business transformation and restructuring (enabling the people in the business to excel and execute the initiatives themselves (not consultant lead)
Parenting:
- two very active and happy boys
- when I'm home we share the caring responsibility (playing, learning, wipe butts); where my narcissistic partner refuses to change diapers at all so I change most of the boys nappies (we work from home for a long time)
- I do a lot of science experiments with the boys (the older one is a nerd for sure). He loves the vinegar, soda volcano stuff, crystal growing, etc.
- Now I'm more away, my current consulting gig is 3-4 days a week in a different city
We have access to childcare and the older one is at school
Where can we find you?
I started my substack to process my life and as mentioned above I'm in a separation process so won't disclose LinkedIn but here’s where I am on X
Can you share favourite praise for your writing, or words you’d love to read about your work?
Got a short note the other day
"Enjoying your updates, Walter. Keep it up"
I really appreciated this note, as I was wondering does anybody actually care about what I write? I got more confident and did a piece on dyslexia and shared it on reddit and the community there really liked it. "Great article" was a comment and now I'm running a survey with the community there to get peoples stories written up; so I will do more stuff around dyslexia, focus on personal stories. I find all the dyslexia content out there is technical / clinical and not really relatable.
Why do you write?
To process what's happening in my mind. I'm going through a rough patch (separation from a narcissist, shutdown of my company) and writing helps me to regulate down and get it out there... remember the sewer episode in the Ted Lasso show (Season 3 E1). In need to get the poopa out and start healing
What does the inside of your writing mind look like?
not 100% sure what you mean with the question...
I have a tonne of ideas all the time and it's sometimes hard to stick to one topic but I try hard.
Most of the time I pick a topic and start writing what comes to my mind. I try to structure it in buckets, most of the time I let it flow and do more structuring afterwards.
I then get a 80% version done and let it sit there for a bit... do something else (images, dinner, ...) Then I go back with fresh eyes and finish it off.
How is your ability to write affected by being a parent and your ability to parent affected by your writing?
I basically can't write when the two boys are around... there is no break it's always "papa where are you..." I write either in my work break (lunch, breakfast) or late evenings after the boys are in bed... I think about and take notes about what I want to write throughout the day. So of course I'm tired, but I power through.
It's tough to get the peace (of mind) with small kids to do any heavy thinking. My boys are very very needy (which is a good thing, we have a lot of fun together)
How often do you write with your children around or not, and what kind of writing do you get done when your child/ren are nearby?
I take notes when the kids are around. So I have an idea or read something or hear something interesting I jot it done (notebook or send myself an email); as mentioned I won't be able to have the peace to actually work on a coherent article when they are around (luckily we have daycare and the older one is at school).
What is your best writing habit and how did you discover it?
Time box, select a topic, and smash it. Leave it there (let it ripen) go back and iterate (or throw away because it's garbage).
I just tried it and it worked for me. Read about other peoples habit and just gave it a go... I didn't overthink it. It works for me for now.
What are the three most important characteristics of being a writer who is a parent?
Resilience, a lot of patience and belief (I will finish the article in time, no worries)
What or who is your secret writing weapon?
A good cup of coffee.
What or who has been the most significant creative influence in your life?
Mr Tolkien and Lord of The Rings. I read it when I was a teenager (I love fantasy and I pushed myself reading it... took me forever but it sparked something). Read it a few times, first in German then in English... and started my reading journey from there (as a dyslexic child one avoids reading as much as possible because you suck and it's soooo hard).
What are your coping tactics for being (constantly) interrupted in your thought process?
Take a big breath, go for a walk... be a goldfish.
What’s your best writing time?
Mornings...I write a few paragraphs in the morning (get up at 5:30am or so and jot down notes) but forced to write in the evening as well.
What motivates you to write amongst the flurry of family life?
To clear my mind and process the struggles I'm in at the moment... so I don't explode and down regulate... I also have a lot to say/process.
You’re a writer: name 3 of your procrastination techniques.
Running, binge watching shows, baking.
How much torture/pleasure is involved in your writing life and in what form does it come?
Pleasure: when I hit the "publish" button ... one more day done.
Torture: leaving the office late because of another crisis and oh lord I need to finish my post tonight... argh.
If your writing discipline was a food, what would it be?
Mushroom risotto.
Do you use any productivity hacks like toggling, Pomodoro, Focusmate? Spill the beans.
Running clears the mind and I"m full of energy to power through anything.
Which three (parent) writers make you think, “Damn, I wish I could write like this”.
Never thought of this before so I'm not sure.
What unfinished writing projects do you have lying about?
I have about a list of 40 topics for long form content in the backlog and one I'm actively writing on... and doing daily post as well.
If you could have a conversation with any writer throughout history (who was also a parent) about their writing routine and creative process, who would that person be, and why?
I'm not sure as I'm don't know if they are parents...
What is the favourite sentence you’ve ever written, and why?
Not sure about the best ever ... but this one is probably the best recently; took me a while to move things around but summaries it well what I wrote:
”Stop Hiding Your Dyslexia. Be Open About It. It Will Save You a Great Deal of Suffering.
Share a picture of what ‘A Room of One’s Own’ means to you, and why.
Not a room... sitting at my parents house (where I grew) up in the garden in spring... not too hot, not too cold. Smell of spring in the air, flowers, bees, mug of coffee, sitting there and doing my work and hearing my mom working in the house/kitchen. Our dog has fun on the grass hunting bees.
What are your favourite/preferred writing conditions in terms of clothes, environment, food you eat and anything else that helps you write?
PJ's, coffee, writing in bed works well for me... otherwise any place is good for me.
What music do you listen to while writing?
Coding stream or Cafe del Mar on Spotify
What’s your favourite quote from a writer?
“I had therefore to remove knowledge, in order to make room for belief.” Immanuel Kant
An Encore
“I do what gnaws at me” -- Diane Arbus
What’s your best writing time? And how do you cope with interruptions to your writing?
What did you enjoy most from this week’s column? Drop your thoughts in the comments below. Let’s chat together!
If I hadn’t already been through the traditional publishing wringer, I might have been terrified about the fate of my motherhood book. But instead, I felt empowered and scared.