Parents that Write #3: Tracy Mansolillo

FIND IT: Somewhere in this column, there’s a sneaky sentence. Read it, and your writing might just blow up (in a good way).

Danusia Malina-Derben

Sep 04, 2024

Welcome to my weekly interview column.

When conversation turns to parent creatives - writers and artists, especially mothers - the focus often shifts to the chaos and supposed impossibility of juggling creativity with parenthood.

—> Let’s CUT THE NOISE:

Parents publish books, drop albums, get screenplays optioned, and pour their souls into poems every single day.

How do they do it? That’s what we’re here to uncover.

I’m delighted to showcase talented parent-writers and creators as they answer eight bite-size questions, plus a few more they pick from a juicy list I send their way.

But before we meet today’s guest, here’s a peek behind the scenes of my own creative life.

No-Fluff Notes from my Writing Life

In earlier columns here and here, I’ve shared how I ended up on the real-life Neverland, juggling big writing dreams with a brood of kids in tow.

While there, my goal was to carve out time to write crucial chapters and figure out the direction for my motherhood book.

Two publishers circling around the project had their own ideas. One wanted me to craft a ‘how-to’ on balancing business and family, weaving my experiences from boardrooms to bedtime stories with my ten kids. A clear, obvious focus.

The other, a business publisher, was after actionable ideas and practical solutions. Again, understandable.

But once we, as a family, ditched screens and the relentless ‘to-do’ list, in favour of simply ‘being,’ I finally had the heart-space to tune into what my writing soul was truly craving.

Alone time was a rare thing, and even the bath wasn’t sacred – often interrupted by a child or two perched on the loo or bathroom chair for a chat.

Yet, as each day passed, filled with red squirrel, otter, and deer sightings, I began to listen deeply to my own wisdom. Not what made commercial sense, and not what would boost online visibility. But what I felt compelled to share with the world.

This island escape had been a knee-jerk, utterly unaffordable whim. I’m not one for impulsive decisions, but this legendary literary location injected a shot of extra spirit into me. The kind that changes the course of a project.

As I stomped through the woods, accompanied by a whiny child, to catch the island shop’s brief half-hour opening, I stumbled upon this info.

I heard that the island plays host to a crowd of well known ‘escape artists’ – from Kate Winslet to Nelson Mandela, Anthony Horowitz to Sir Ed Davey, Princess Diana to Jack Whitehall. This storybook island is the ultimate hideaway from phones, people, and politics.

In ‘pretending to be shipwrecked’ with my kids on this digitally disconnected island, I came seeking answers to my pressing book dilemmas – and found them, by accident.

I’ll explain, in next week’s column.

Today’s fabulous guest is Tracy Mansolillo, who writes

The Power of Change

Substack - this publication offers heartfelt exploration of resilience, and healing. Through her writing, Tracy shares personal experiences, insights, and reflections on navigating life's toughest challenges.

Her newsletter blends emotional depth with practical wisdom, offering readers both comfort and a sense of community. It's a space for those seeking solace and understanding, as well as a guide for finding strength in the midst of adversity.

Share a broad snapshot of your life. Who are you parent to and/or have caring responsibilities for?

After more than a decade as a marketing strategist for technology companies, I was blessed to become a Mom at 38. I leaned into everything motherhood had to offer until a mysterious illness followed by an unexpected divorce forced me to reevaluate my life.

Writing was a key to keeping my head above water through it all. Each night, after reading to my son, I'd head to my home office and write. Some nights I wrote for clients, other nights I wrote for myself.

I spent years climbing my way back from a disabling illness and divorce. With patience, faith, perseverance, and the love and support of family, I regained my footing, built resilience, and found happiness and gratitude despite the challenges.

I savored the simple pleasures of life and enjoyed every moment of being a mother.

My love of books and writing was not lost on my son. An avid reader, he picked up his first journal at 12 and began writing. I became his editor while he wrote his first two novels and he is often my beta reader.

Parenting and writing have gone hand-in-hand and I can’t imagine it any other way.

Where can we find you?

Can you share favourite praise for your writing, or words you’d love to read about your work?

"Few writers on Substack manage to make you feel like you were with them the way Tracy does. She invites you into dark moments and reminds you how powerful and important resilience is.”
Alex Olthoff
of WFA Success

“Your friendship, your toolbox, your encouragement & more help keep my head above water.”
Marjorie Pezzoli's Substack

Why do you write?

Writing began as a creative outlet during my teenage years. After college, my writing carried me into a career as a marketing strategist. But after an unexpected illness derailed my career, I wrote to regain meaning in my life. I started my Substack to share what I learned during the past two decades and to help others who were struggling to find a path forward.

What does the inside of your writing mind look like?

The inside of my writing mind is filled with thought bubbles. Notes, outlines, quotes, edits, to do lists.

How is your ability to write affected by being a parent and your ability to parent affected by your writing?

Being a single parent who writes means I didn't sleep much! I usually write at night which is easier now that my son is older, but when he was young I burned the candle at both ends. There were definitely some days that my Mom energy was lacking due to a late night of writing.

How often do you write with your children around or not, and what kind of writing do you get done when your child/ren are nearby?

I write with my son around more often now that he's older. An avid reader and writer himself, he understands when I'm on a deadline or in the flow and need to get the words out.

What is your best writing habit and how did you discover it?

My best writing habit has changed through the years. When my son was young, it was to write each evening after he went to bed. Now my best writing habit is to write daily, whenever I can fit it in. Walking is also essential to my writing. It helps me clear my head and flesh out ideas I'm working on.

What are the three most important characteristics of being a writer who is a parent?

Consistency - Your writing and your children will thank you.
Flexibility - Cut yourself slack when you need to pivot. It will happen often.
Being present - It shows and makes a difference.

What or who is your secret writing weapon?

I'm not sure I have a secret weapon but meditation and mindfulness are definitely a part of my writing practice.

What or who has been the most significant creative influence in your life?

My son. His imagination helped me open my mind and move beyond my analytical way of thinking and approaching a topic.

What are your coping tactics for being (constantly) interrupted in your thought process?

I remember that the interruptions will not always be there and I'll miss them when they're gone. Enjoy each moment.

What’s your best writing time?

I've always been a night owl and it's a quiet time.

What unfinished writing projects do you have lying about?

My first memoir - it evolves as I do.

What is the favourite sentence you’ve ever written, and why?

It's three sentences but it summarizes what I've learned and why I write:
"It’s easy to enjoy life’s good times and joyous moments, the love of family and friends, and the successes one has achieved. It’s far more difficult to find joy and happiness during the hard times, the darkest hours of life, when loss and uncertainty call each moment into question. If you can find hope and happiness during these times, you have everything you need to live a life of purpose."

What’s your favourite quote from a writer?

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.” Maya Angelou

An Encore

"Writing is about telling the truth” -- Anne Lamott

What does the inside of YOUR writing mind look like? Do you think writing is about telling the truth, and if not, why?

Did anything surprise you or nudge your thinking from this column today? I love hearing from you! I value every comment and appreciate you being here. Thank you.

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