The Undercover Self-care Habit That Works Like Magic

SPOILER: Nobody wants to ‘fess to THIS one, so I am!

Prefer to listen? Press play below for the audio version:

This piece was written while riding high on a little compliment I received about new specs I was wearing at the local art gallery. Read on to find out: what some of my CEO clients do in bed (confidentiality preserved), the Supreme Court case I weave into this article, and how you can “win” at sleep.

Let's admit it. We all have our secrets - those little habits we swear we’d never admit to, not even under oath. Today, I thought I’d share about a self-care move that’s been lurking in the shadows for long enough. No more hush-hush nonsense, I'm done keeping this under wraps. It's high time we talked about it.

Artist: Jen McGowan

Life is stressful, yes?! The daily grind, the never-ending to-do lists, the societal pressures to be constantly ‘on’ - it all adds up.

When life kicks you in the teeth, when your boss is breathing down your neck, or when the world just feels like it’s spiralling into chaos, everyone has their own way of coping.

For some, it’s a glass bottle of wine¹. For others, it’s yoga, wild swimming or an Amazon addiction. While I’m a sucker for binge-watching trash TV, sometimes, you just need a moment of pure, unadulterated comfort. 

Enter: the teddy bear.

Yes, you heard me right. Teddy bears.

Before you roll your eyes, consider this: a study by the University of Amsterdam found that cuddling something soft helps reduce stress and anxiety. It’s science, people. And here’s more of it:

1. One study found that even a small touch from a soft object can reduce stress and provide comfort, acting as a psychological safety net.

2. According to attachment theory, humans have an innate need for attachment figures that provide comfort and security. While this theory primarily applies to human relationships, comfort objects like teddy bears can also serve as attachment figures, especially during times of stress or anxiety.

3. One University of Pennsylvania study explored military personnel’s use of ‘special possessions’ during and after combat. This research confirmed they use stuffed animals as transitional objects, a psychological term for an item that provides comfort during times of anxiety or change. 

4. Studies on nostalgia and well-being show that sentimental longing for the past has been linked to improved mood and well-being. Cuddling a teddy bear from childhood or a fluffy gift from a beloved can evoke nostalgic feelings, which can boost psychological resilience and provide emotional comfort.

Turns out plush, button-eyed soft toys of joy are not just for kids. Adults are rediscovering the magic of cuddling these stuffed friends. Grown-ass men and women really do snuggle up to their childhood companions to find solace in fluff-filled, bundles of comfort.

Don’t believe me? Let me give you some examples:

The CEO of a tech multinational told me (in a hushed tone in a session) how he grabbed one of his children’s stuffed rabbits during a fitful night and ended up having the best sleep he’s had in a year. Waffle the rabbit has become a secret part of his bedtime routine. He’s not alone.

Another high flyer told me she has a rotating cast of plushie companions that help her self-soothe to sleep. Her husband told her this was childish but was surprised when she agreed with him and then continued to bring the ‘cuddlies’ into bed anyway. She’s noticed he sleeps better than ever, with Mr Crunch the Alligator snuggled in his chest. 

Is better sleep a coincidence?

No. Again, science has our back. Studies show that the physical act of hugging something soft triggers the release of oxytocin, the love hormone, which makes us feel calm and safe. It’s like giving your nervous system a warm, fuzzy hug.  

For many, the surprise is that this isn’t just a women's club. Men are getting in on the plushie and teddy action, too. One survey found that 84% of men own at least one stuffed animal, compared to the 77% of women who still keep them in bed. The idea that men should be tough and emotionless is as outdated as paper road maps. Men need comfort and security just as much as women do. 

my ex colleague clapping with his teddy

A stuffed teddy doesn’t care about your gender, your age, or your social status. It’s just there to offer a soft, reassuring ‘hug’ when you need it most because teddy bears don’t judge. Which brings me to the Supreme Court. 

Last year, seven of the most senior judges from the UK’s highest court went on tour to Manchester— and took a teddy bear with them. Courtney, named by a public poll on Instagram and Twitter, was deployed to preside in court alongside judges, in order to  “soften the Supreme Court image”. I wonder who she spent nights with during that tour - but as expected, Courtney keeps her own counsel …

Courtney, the Supreme Court teddy bear

It is perhaps no surprise that I turned to stuffed animals during a period of grief. I wrote about the loss of Madeline, born still, and in my article refer to a teddy, as an aside.

This tiny stuffed bear was swaddled with her as company (I’m not enjoying the image), and later handed to me with her ashes. I treasure this teddy but it’s not the one I hug. My daughter Harriet’s fluffy white cat called Pasha was her favourite cuddly at the time Madeline died. A few days after I birthed Madeline and returned home, Harriet handed me Pasha and said, “You can have her to hold.” At a time when my husband and I grieved differently, Pasha helped soothe me. Sleep was easier with her. And it still is. 

A few months ago I decided to find a new Pasha (L) to give to Harriet. I’m grateful to John on Ebay who sold her to me. See how much Pasha (R) has been cuddled!

Several studies show more than 43% of adults who own or once owned a stuffed animal or teddy say they still sleep with one.

Squishmallows, Hugimals and Jellycats - all plush toy brands have seen interest among adults spike since the pandemic. They attribute this stuffed toy craze to adults yearning to not only connect with their playful inner child but also to cope with anxiety, stress and loneliness. With more adults reporting mental health struggles, is it any wonder they’re clamouring for squishy friends and weighted plushies?

But, let’s address the stuffed elephant in the room: the stigma. 

Why is this habit still a secret?

In many ways, that’s easy to answer. We live in a world obsessed with strength and stoicism, so admitting vulnerability feels taboo.

We're all pretending to be invincible machines or a version of this, but deep down, we crave comfort and connection. But still, that doesn’t account for why we hide the fact that the simplest, most embarrassing comfort can be the most effective.

Here’s the bold truth: cuddling a teddy bear is a game-changing self-care move. It’s not a sign of weakness; it’s a testament to your self-awareness and courage.

Embracing our soft side is a radical act of self care.

It’s not about looking good for others; it's about doing what works for you. And if that means snuggling a teddy bear or a soft squishy friend after a tough day, then it’s time to let yourself be human. 

How about we agree that next time when stress hits, skip the extra drink or mindless scrolling? Instead, reach for a stuffed animal and cuddle the hell out of it. The bravest thing you can do is to take care of yourself.

Now I’m curious - Hit “reply” and tell me about your snuggle buddy. Whether it’s a teddy bear or another stuffed friend, share a picture (if you’re feeling brave) and say why they're so special to you. 

Thanks for being here. I’m so grateful. See you in the comments 🥰

Danusia  xx

P.S. Don’t forget to wash your stuffed animals!

1. I'm really excited to share that it's been five years to the week since I stopped drinking. Many of you will hit “reply” and offer me a warm hug this week, that I know for sure. Thank you for that, btw. I really love hugs.