Wow that’s terrible but not surprising that these large corporations get women to speak for free often and I admit I struggle to charge for my worth but that goes beyond me being a woman. Stuff I need to work on for sure.
The struggle to charge full worth is real for many or most women especially in a world that insists we small size. And I hear you say your struggle is not bounded by this.
Wow Danusia, I found this hugely empowering to read. It really is unbelievable that companies attempt to get female speakers to share their wisdom and voices for free at any time but especially on IWD! I have always found it hard to ask for my full worth at work, with so many layers of feelings around it, including that I should be grateful for a job I mostly enjoyed (!). Currently I am mainly caregiving to my children out of choice but essentially also saving our family money not having them in more childcare. Your post has made me think carefully about my next steps and a reminder not to devalue myself and the experience I had built up over 15 or so years in my career having been away for a while xx
Lyndsay, I read your words during a teensy pocket of time in my day job yesterday. I’m sharing this info because the excitement I had on the spot isn’t shown by how long it’s taken me to answer.
The words ‘ask for my full worth’ are a delight. I also like to add charge my full worth there as a reminder to myself and others.
What I want to talk to is the thrill of FULL. What would the world be like if women, and girls were full to the brim about and with ourselves?
That includes being paid fees, prices and salaries worth our full talent.
There are so many layers in this FULLNESS.
If you fancy chat on this. Let me know. I’m so glad you found the piece empowering!
Powerful stuff Danusia. When I worked for large corporations I had no problem charging my worth. It’s only since I moved into a birth work / therapeutic support for mothers that I started to massively devalue and discount what I do. I’ve raised my fees this year but still need a stirring call to action like this to fully stand behind them.
Thank you Ali! I so hear you about charging differently now you're in birthwork/therapeutic support. “Women’s work” more generally is devalued because it’s (perceived as) similar to unpaid work that many women do for “free” (like childcare). Infuriating! And it can side swipe us when we realise we've internalised this ourselves. Here's to your raised fees!!
Feeding into all this...there's an expectation in feminised spaces and places that women will downgrade their worth in order to supply free and/or low fee services because that's what Sisterhood looks like. It's nuanced and embraces the whole MLM type "I made 6-7 figures while I had a pee and I can teach you too" as well as ERG corporate groups run for no extra pay by women using the excuse that good women "care".
Bottomline there's a host of reasons older women have fewer financial resources in later lives. Poverty is a vile thank you to women. We deserve more.
Yup, couldn’t agree more, and don’t get me started on the whole topic of unseen caregiving (performed mostly by women) that props up the entire economy!
Thank you for sitting with us and offering your piece to our expanding daisy chain flower crown!!!
I absolutely loved receiving your email and felt super empowered and strong afterwards (exactly how I aimed to feel after my piece about dragons power within us), ready to face the uncomfortable conversations and believe in myself (your childcare analogy made it click in my head!)
Laura I love that you felt boosted after reading my article! It felt vulnerable to write because gentle palatable words have softer landings, including on IWD. Hear to rally you in sisterhood for uncomfy conversations. xx
What a great post and tips Danusia. Asking for decision maker / budget holder is always key. I learned this the hard way when working for a mental health tech company and ended up wasting time by talking to the wrong stakeholders far too long too often.
For speaking events and budgets, I’ve been on both sides as a speaker and organiser with little budget. I had to go back to our speaker of choice this year where we (the women’s committee) couldn’t make a case for the 8k keynote. It felt shit to admit we don’t have the money but I respect the speaker too much to debate about the cost.
Personally, I’m often struggling to ask for what I think I’m worth because I genuinely love what I do. In the corporate context I need to get better at financial negotiation, with private clients there can always be nuance considering different financial situations.
So many hours put in only to discover the budget isn’t there OR even worse there’s no allocation and the company or business or warming up the speaker hoping for a free gig.
And isn’t it so darned common for women’s committees to be working on a shoestring? Often women running them tirelessly do it on top of full time roles for no extra pay 🤦♀️
There’s a WHOLE article on financial negotiation and getting paid which I love. It’s a wild ride - the asking for what I think I’m worth one. Hmmm I’ve been drafting that, love to hear what you’d like included. It conjures up cut throat conversations, difficult to work out worth tallies, and angst. Whereas for me it chimes with slowing to find source, compassionate radical honesty, and gamifying life. It contains the opportunity for fun! Love to hear your thoughts 💞
I love this! You may be a woman but you have balls! :) What a great model for how to value our time and demand, without drama, that we are paid for our work. This reminds me of how I needed coaching from a (male) friend to ask for a bigger salary when I got promoted 18 months ago before accepting the offer. It worked! Also - my 13-year-old wrote a research paper documenting the pay gap between men and women. Thanks for this.
There's this post-it note stuck on one of our kitchen cabinets Serena. I forget it's there. It says, "You have Big Balls!". It's only when we have people come to stay I see them chuckle then we talk about why it's there.
Thank you for acknowledging this!
Congrats on the bigger salary. And love that your 13 year old wrote that paper about the pay gap.
Thanks for this. I've just had the experience of not being paid for my speaking, when I got to the conference I realised they had flown another speaker in and paid them! There is always a budget as you say! I will be holding on to your tips to make sure this doesn't happen again!
Wait …what? I’m so sorry you experienced this. What did the organisers say, did you mention it?
A speaker was telling me about her experience of realising the other three panellists had all been paid at an event she spoke at. Same panel, different treatment. She was the only black speaker. She was unpaid. All white panellists were paid.
That's awful. No I didn't mention it. The people I know that were paid were keynote speakers and I had a 20 minute slot of a session but it still took up almost 2 days of my time with prep, travel and being present.
This is an absolutely amazing piece… and I feel totally fired up and confident just reading it. I am baffled to think that anyone could suggest you speaking for free and especially on IWD… but I also am sadly not surprised. It makes me feel so inspired to know your process and while I’m not a speaker officially, I have been asked to teach meditation and yoga and guide other holistic practices to corporates for ‘exposure’… and that does not pay for childcare! Thank you so much for this contribution and share, I’m so grateful to read it. Xx
Wow that’s terrible but not surprising that these large corporations get women to speak for free often and I admit I struggle to charge for my worth but that goes beyond me being a woman. Stuff I need to work on for sure.
Thank you for your words Miriam.
The struggle to charge full worth is real for many or most women especially in a world that insists we small size. And I hear you say your struggle is not bounded by this.
Wow Danusia, I found this hugely empowering to read. It really is unbelievable that companies attempt to get female speakers to share their wisdom and voices for free at any time but especially on IWD! I have always found it hard to ask for my full worth at work, with so many layers of feelings around it, including that I should be grateful for a job I mostly enjoyed (!). Currently I am mainly caregiving to my children out of choice but essentially also saving our family money not having them in more childcare. Your post has made me think carefully about my next steps and a reminder not to devalue myself and the experience I had built up over 15 or so years in my career having been away for a while xx
Lyndsay, I read your words during a teensy pocket of time in my day job yesterday. I’m sharing this info because the excitement I had on the spot isn’t shown by how long it’s taken me to answer.
The words ‘ask for my full worth’ are a delight. I also like to add charge my full worth there as a reminder to myself and others.
What I want to talk to is the thrill of FULL. What would the world be like if women, and girls were full to the brim about and with ourselves?
That includes being paid fees, prices and salaries worth our full talent.
There are so many layers in this FULLNESS.
If you fancy chat on this. Let me know. I’m so glad you found the piece empowering!
Powerful stuff Danusia. When I worked for large corporations I had no problem charging my worth. It’s only since I moved into a birth work / therapeutic support for mothers that I started to massively devalue and discount what I do. I’ve raised my fees this year but still need a stirring call to action like this to fully stand behind them.
Thank you Ali! I so hear you about charging differently now you're in birthwork/therapeutic support. “Women’s work” more generally is devalued because it’s (perceived as) similar to unpaid work that many women do for “free” (like childcare). Infuriating! And it can side swipe us when we realise we've internalised this ourselves. Here's to your raised fees!!
Feeding into all this...there's an expectation in feminised spaces and places that women will downgrade their worth in order to supply free and/or low fee services because that's what Sisterhood looks like. It's nuanced and embraces the whole MLM type "I made 6-7 figures while I had a pee and I can teach you too" as well as ERG corporate groups run for no extra pay by women using the excuse that good women "care".
Bottomline there's a host of reasons older women have fewer financial resources in later lives. Poverty is a vile thank you to women. We deserve more.
Your comment cheered me up!
Yup, couldn’t agree more, and don’t get me started on the whole topic of unseen caregiving (performed mostly by women) that props up the entire economy!
Thank you for sitting with us and offering your piece to our expanding daisy chain flower crown!!!
I absolutely loved receiving your email and felt super empowered and strong afterwards (exactly how I aimed to feel after my piece about dragons power within us), ready to face the uncomfortable conversations and believe in myself (your childcare analogy made it click in my head!)
Laura I love that you felt boosted after reading my article! It felt vulnerable to write because gentle palatable words have softer landings, including on IWD. Hear to rally you in sisterhood for uncomfy conversations. xx
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 here for this. It’s so uncomfortable to do…
Sure is Sasha! 💞
What a great post and tips Danusia. Asking for decision maker / budget holder is always key. I learned this the hard way when working for a mental health tech company and ended up wasting time by talking to the wrong stakeholders far too long too often.
For speaking events and budgets, I’ve been on both sides as a speaker and organiser with little budget. I had to go back to our speaker of choice this year where we (the women’s committee) couldn’t make a case for the 8k keynote. It felt shit to admit we don’t have the money but I respect the speaker too much to debate about the cost.
Personally, I’m often struggling to ask for what I think I’m worth because I genuinely love what I do. In the corporate context I need to get better at financial negotiation, with private clients there can always be nuance considering different financial situations.
It’s fab to hear your many sides of this Carmen!
So many hours put in only to discover the budget isn’t there OR even worse there’s no allocation and the company or business or warming up the speaker hoping for a free gig.
And isn’t it so darned common for women’s committees to be working on a shoestring? Often women running them tirelessly do it on top of full time roles for no extra pay 🤦♀️
There’s a WHOLE article on financial negotiation and getting paid which I love. It’s a wild ride - the asking for what I think I’m worth one. Hmmm I’ve been drafting that, love to hear what you’d like included. It conjures up cut throat conversations, difficult to work out worth tallies, and angst. Whereas for me it chimes with slowing to find source, compassionate radical honesty, and gamifying life. It contains the opportunity for fun! Love to hear your thoughts 💞
I love this! You may be a woman but you have balls! :) What a great model for how to value our time and demand, without drama, that we are paid for our work. This reminds me of how I needed coaching from a (male) friend to ask for a bigger salary when I got promoted 18 months ago before accepting the offer. It worked! Also - my 13-year-old wrote a research paper documenting the pay gap between men and women. Thanks for this.
There's this post-it note stuck on one of our kitchen cabinets Serena. I forget it's there. It says, "You have Big Balls!". It's only when we have people come to stay I see them chuckle then we talk about why it's there.
Thank you for acknowledging this!
Congrats on the bigger salary. And love that your 13 year old wrote that paper about the pay gap.
Thanks for this. I've just had the experience of not being paid for my speaking, when I got to the conference I realised they had flown another speaker in and paid them! There is always a budget as you say! I will be holding on to your tips to make sure this doesn't happen again!
Wait …what? I’m so sorry you experienced this. What did the organisers say, did you mention it?
A speaker was telling me about her experience of realising the other three panellists had all been paid at an event she spoke at. Same panel, different treatment. She was the only black speaker. She was unpaid. All white panellists were paid.
That's awful. No I didn't mention it. The people I know that were paid were keynote speakers and I had a 20 minute slot of a session but it still took up almost 2 days of my time with prep, travel and being present.
2 useful speaker questions I've (mostly) learned to ask venues:
- What have you paid speakers in the past?
- Is there another organization you can partner with to cover my usual fee?
Eileen, these are super questions. Thank you for sharing them here!
This is an absolutely amazing piece… and I feel totally fired up and confident just reading it. I am baffled to think that anyone could suggest you speaking for free and especially on IWD… but I also am sadly not surprised. It makes me feel so inspired to know your process and while I’m not a speaker officially, I have been asked to teach meditation and yoga and guide other holistic practices to corporates for ‘exposure’… and that does not pay for childcare! Thank you so much for this contribution and share, I’m so grateful to read it. Xx
Lauren, thank you for your note! What I love most is that you read the piece and were more confident and all fired up. That makes me so happy.
YUK to offers of 'exposure' - being thrown crumbs is insulting. I'm sorry you've experienced this. I hope we can chat one day. xx
I would love that! X
These are all amazing tips! I don’t see myself ever speaking in this capacity but this sure fired me up. Good job empowering us ❤️
Somehow missed replying Chanel! Happy to have boosted you. Maybe you can use some of these tips for your Summit later this year? xo