So many gems 💎 in here as always Danusia. I’m shocking at celebrating my achievements and it’s never occurred to me that my kids would see that. Felt a bit teary when you talked about female friendships. I have a few that I value so much. We’re not all geographically close, but we mean a lot to each other ❤️
Thanks so much Sara, I’m grateful for your words - wouldn’t it be great if our kids didn’t think twice about celebrating their achievements?! I LOVE it when mine insist on happy dances or jazz hands or a retelling for the tenth time of the story of how they ‘rose from behind’! It’s essential self worth building stuff. I didn’t have it, I want my kids and yours to be proud of themselves.
Let’s thank our lucky lives we have female friendships 💞
I love your take on self care. It gives words to how I feel but can never express. My self-care often looks like my house being a pig sty for weeks at a time and I'm constantly battling shame about that.
I love your question about the women who have supported us too. You reminded me of a small window of time, maybe a year, about 8 years ago, when I was living in London and had such a great group of supportive women around me. We're now spread across the world in London, Brunei, Australia, Germany and me in Italy. We're not regularly in touch but every so often one of us will try to get us together for a zoom call or something and, though we never manage it, we always pause and appreciate that magical time and the growth that was possible for all of us with that kind of non-competitive female support. I think it probably changed the trajectory of my life
Just read these words by Antonia Malchik and had to share them with you: “ The moral codes we live by do not have to be immaculate. They do not have to check every box of what we think is expected of us, or what we expect of ourselves.”
Hi Rahma, isn’t it a bit much that self care is laid out as if it’s organised and just-so? It’s way messier and haphazard most of the time for loads of us, at least that’s my exp and observation 😉 Then on top of it all we spend our precious energy shaming ourselves as we don’t measure up to how ‘others’ seem to be taking care of themselves. For me that can be about ridiculous things like: dry skin on legs, disheveled toe nails, whether my bras are washed frequently enough (jeez I won’t get started on bedding change frequency 🙄), flossing, and so it goes on. I explained to one of my triplets what self flagellation is over the weekend. Seems to fit! What are the ‘areas’ you shame yourself about?
I adore hearing about your life changing group of gal pals now spread about the globe. I can hear the nourishment from your words. Do you have a WhatsApp group to keep in touch as well as occasional Zoom calls? 💞
Adore that Harriet was the one who brought the need to celebrate the success up; couldn’t have been a more meaningful scenario, your own daughter who knows the ins and outs of what you’ve been through and built up; wow let that sink in, so powerful 💖
And yes to the self care aspect - I get so so triggered by the “definitions” of what self care is supposed to be, when to me that becomes additional pressure more than anything. Self care is, as you say, recognizing what we need to keep going which most of the time is EVERYTHING BUT adding more and instead subtracting the noise (!).
I want to take a minute to celebrate YOU my dearest friend for being a living example of everything you bring up. It’s been an incredible blessing to have had you in my life this past year, creating that judgmental-free presence (my vote!), in a world that tries to encourage polarisation (and judgement) for whatever decision we take. You’re the first to celebrate the little wins, like finding the most gorgeous thrift treasure, while also being the loyal push when you know one needs a kick in the butt….
Oh Elin, the way you land on the power of my reminder coming from my daughter makes me get wet eyed. We are surrounded by tales of estrangement, esp in the past couple of years. Yet here we are Harriet and I recognising one another. Not only a one way mother to daughter situation - I am beyond lucky to receive advice, and care as a woman in my own right that transcends my mothering. 💗💗
Who needs extra layers of rules around caring for ourselves to add to all the other ‘shoulds’? If we can cut the noise or dim it enough our inner voice tells us what we most need. And our bodies show us too.
I’m gobsmacked (a great word right, I know we enjoy them!) at your soul reaching acknowledgements. That took me by surprise you fab bestie. The feelings are mutual to the hilt. It’s an honour to walk beside you as pals whether plotting camper escapes, business strategies, kids/relationships and so on and on. Isn’t it the best to bring our full selves to friendship?!
So many gems 💎 in here as always Danusia. I’m shocking at celebrating my achievements and it’s never occurred to me that my kids would see that. Felt a bit teary when you talked about female friendships. I have a few that I value so much. We’re not all geographically close, but we mean a lot to each other ❤️
Thanks so much Sara, I’m grateful for your words - wouldn’t it be great if our kids didn’t think twice about celebrating their achievements?! I LOVE it when mine insist on happy dances or jazz hands or a retelling for the tenth time of the story of how they ‘rose from behind’! It’s essential self worth building stuff. I didn’t have it, I want my kids and yours to be proud of themselves.
Let’s thank our lucky lives we have female friendships 💞
I love your take on self care. It gives words to how I feel but can never express. My self-care often looks like my house being a pig sty for weeks at a time and I'm constantly battling shame about that.
I love your question about the women who have supported us too. You reminded me of a small window of time, maybe a year, about 8 years ago, when I was living in London and had such a great group of supportive women around me. We're now spread across the world in London, Brunei, Australia, Germany and me in Italy. We're not regularly in touch but every so often one of us will try to get us together for a zoom call or something and, though we never manage it, we always pause and appreciate that magical time and the growth that was possible for all of us with that kind of non-competitive female support. I think it probably changed the trajectory of my life
Just read these words by Antonia Malchik and had to share them with you: “ The moral codes we live by do not have to be immaculate. They do not have to check every box of what we think is expected of us, or what we expect of ourselves.”
Hi Rahma, isn’t it a bit much that self care is laid out as if it’s organised and just-so? It’s way messier and haphazard most of the time for loads of us, at least that’s my exp and observation 😉 Then on top of it all we spend our precious energy shaming ourselves as we don’t measure up to how ‘others’ seem to be taking care of themselves. For me that can be about ridiculous things like: dry skin on legs, disheveled toe nails, whether my bras are washed frequently enough (jeez I won’t get started on bedding change frequency 🙄), flossing, and so it goes on. I explained to one of my triplets what self flagellation is over the weekend. Seems to fit! What are the ‘areas’ you shame yourself about?
I adore hearing about your life changing group of gal pals now spread about the globe. I can hear the nourishment from your words. Do you have a WhatsApp group to keep in touch as well as occasional Zoom calls? 💞
The bras and the bedding!! I feel so seen 😂😂😂
And I just shaved my legs this week for the first time since September 😂
The Bras + bedding crew. 😉 dear god, how could you mention the s word? That thing you did with your legs. I like mine to keep me warm 🤣🤣🤣
Disheveled toe nails 😂😂 well crap. I belong here.
Love this break down SO much Danusia!
I recently learned the difference between self care and self compassion.
We can check the box off a “self care” task while being internally evil to ourselves.
Working on practicing more self compassion starting with my drop out from grad school yesterday!!
Excited we’re in the same toe nail camp!
We can sit in a bubble bath hating on ourselves pretty easily whereas self compassion is defo the way forward 😘
Ps. Here’s to uplifting max compassion from that drop up/out. XO
Adore that Harriet was the one who brought the need to celebrate the success up; couldn’t have been a more meaningful scenario, your own daughter who knows the ins and outs of what you’ve been through and built up; wow let that sink in, so powerful 💖
And yes to the self care aspect - I get so so triggered by the “definitions” of what self care is supposed to be, when to me that becomes additional pressure more than anything. Self care is, as you say, recognizing what we need to keep going which most of the time is EVERYTHING BUT adding more and instead subtracting the noise (!).
I want to take a minute to celebrate YOU my dearest friend for being a living example of everything you bring up. It’s been an incredible blessing to have had you in my life this past year, creating that judgmental-free presence (my vote!), in a world that tries to encourage polarisation (and judgement) for whatever decision we take. You’re the first to celebrate the little wins, like finding the most gorgeous thrift treasure, while also being the loyal push when you know one needs a kick in the butt….
You’re marvelous! Let’s celebrate that ✨✨✨
Oh Elin, the way you land on the power of my reminder coming from my daughter makes me get wet eyed. We are surrounded by tales of estrangement, esp in the past couple of years. Yet here we are Harriet and I recognising one another. Not only a one way mother to daughter situation - I am beyond lucky to receive advice, and care as a woman in my own right that transcends my mothering. 💗💗
Who needs extra layers of rules around caring for ourselves to add to all the other ‘shoulds’? If we can cut the noise or dim it enough our inner voice tells us what we most need. And our bodies show us too.
I’m gobsmacked (a great word right, I know we enjoy them!) at your soul reaching acknowledgements. That took me by surprise you fab bestie. The feelings are mutual to the hilt. It’s an honour to walk beside you as pals whether plotting camper escapes, business strategies, kids/relationships and so on and on. Isn’t it the best to bring our full selves to friendship?!
Thank you for your beautiful minute here. xx