Write it Hot
Parents that Write #36 Q&A with Hannah Harvey
Welcome to Parents That Write.
Parent writers, artists, and creators are more than just their ‘chaos’. We’re publishing books, dropping albums, optioning screenplays, and making magic every day.
HOW DO THEY DO IT? That's what we're here to find out. Each week, my guests tackle eight quick-fire questions, plus a few wildcards. But first, a peek into my own creative life:
No-Fluff Notes from my Writing Life
“He laughed and said he’d buy Thursday towels.”
Writing that line nearly undid me..because it knew exactly what it meant. Towels, plural. A sentence, in this context, that folds the obscene into the domestic without flinching. It was so British I almost curtsied.
Readers, I’ve just finished writing a slice of erotic memoir.
Not a whole arc, just a weekday Thursday1. One regular night of the week, one woman, one room, no children, and no duty but desire.
And in that writing, I got rather stuck. Not on the ethics of it all. And not on the risk. But this time2 on the problem of vocabulary.
Erotic language is a cursed inheritance. It swings wildly between the clinical (labia, shaft, ejaculate) and the grotesquely poetic (velvet channel, silken folds, trembling bud). Or worse, those trying-too-hard verbs: sheathing, plunging, erupting.
There’s almost no word left unsullied by porn, parody, or purple prose.
So you pace. You groan. You test synonyms like a scientist with a bad case of the horn. You write “cock,” delete it, write “dick,” hate it, try “him,” realise that’s worse3. You want it embodied. Unapologetic. Hot, but human. Strange, but true.
Eventually, if you’re lucky, you find a phrase that fits. That feels like it belongs to your mouth.
But it’s never effortless. And it’s never just about sex.
It’s about the language we’re allowed. About how we get to be vivid and vulgar and fully alive in print. And who gets told to be tasteful.
So this week, I’m asking:
🧨 What’s the worst word you’ve ever read in an erotic scene? And what word do you secretly love, even if it makes you blush or laugh to admit it?
P.S. The full piece Thursday, I Come Home isn’t out in the world just yet. But I’ll share it the moment I can.
Next week, I’ll bring you : the luminous writer behind This is Human, a Substack that feels like an exhale. Offline, she leads circles, workshops, and one-on-one sessions that invite people, especially women, back into deep connection with themselves and each other.
But first, this week’s guest: Hannah Harvey, and a gutsy conversation.
MEET the writer behind My Love Notes a newsletter that sidesteps clichés and heads straight for the heat, heartbreak, and hallelujahs of real love. She writes with an honesty that’s disarming, generous, and gloriously unfiltered. She is also author of “How to Divorce Sober”, podcast host, and yoga teacher.
Share a broad snapshot of your life. Who are you parent to and/or have caring responsibilities for?
I have 2 children, who I co-parent currently 50/50 but their dad has decided he's moving to Portugal... so this may change! My kids are Reuben, 12 and Nancy, 6, and they're both in school. I have access to the most wonderful childminder who supports when I have to be in 2 places at once for kid-things or when I need to work, such as meetings after school hours and Venus Yoga course, which I run in 6 week blocks around the holidays.
My parents live an hour away and can support if I really need them. But mostly I try to batch my work in school hours. We live near Newcastle Upon Tyne, in a gorgeous seaside town, made famous by the song Tunnel of Love by Dire Straits!
Where can we find you?
Can you share favourite praise for your writing?
Amazon review: It’s heartbreaking, and messy, but someone there to say it’s going to be ok in the end is all we need! I recommend this to all broken hearts.
From a friend: The book is amazing!!!! I'm in tears - I've felt so alone through the last 18 months and a total failure ... I honestly thought I read it just to support you but it ended up really changing things for me. I can't recommend it enough.
Why do you write?
To make sense of my head and to collect my ideas together! I find reading very tiring for work so I prefer to listen and speak as a first port of call.
My podcast transcripts were a huge part of collecting ideas for my book. I'm often caught by surprise by some of the magic that comes out my mouth, lol, it definitely feels like it didn't come from me! But writing is also a portal for ideas I didn't know I had. It just seems to flow once I start, so I find it's really important that if you have a nudge to share something that you get your ass in a seat and see what else comes up. More than half the stuff I write isn't something planned.
What does the inside of your writing mind look like?
a freaking MESS!
How is your ability to write affected by being a parent and your ability to parent affected by your writing?
I didn't know I could write until I was pregnant with my first. Motherhood made me a writer. With the birthing portal so wide open I was a vessel for a million ideas and thoughts that I had to get down and sharing it was a big part of that. I don't know why, I just needed to share what was coming out of my fingers.
How often do you write with your child around or not, and what kind of writing do you get done when they are nearby?
I'm quite hyper focused so I really struggle to do much when I my kids are home. I tend to batch my writing to times when they're not with me.
What is your best writing habit, and how did you discover it?
writing habit... erm. still working on this! Back in the day before my divorce, I would get up at 5am to write as it was the only time I felt I could focus.
What are the three most important characteristics of being a writer who is a parent?
➡️ write
➡️ give yourself permission to write
➡️ create space and ask for help so you can write
What or who is your secret writing weapon?
deadlines
What or who has been the most significant creative influence in your life?
my muse - she's me 9 years ago (there's a pic of her on the back of my book)
If your writing discipline was a food, what would it be?
spaghetti
Which three (parent) writers make you think, “Damn, I wish I could write like this”.
What unfinished writing projects do you have lying about?
A kids book called Nettle Shafto and the Frog Boy, How to Fall in Love Sober... my Magic Divorce Club... probs more masterclass and workshop based but no doubt it'll become a book too!
What are your favourite/preferred writing conditions in terms of clothes, environment, food you eat and anything else that helps you write?
I like to be in my house and for a while I would only write in my cashmere jumper, the queen in me required it to shine!! - I have a standing desk in my front room. So I'll meditate first, make some notes and have a quick manifest, then get to writing.
I'll have mushroom coffee on the go and every hour my phone reminds me to stand (even though I am!!) so I'll run up and down the stairs for a couple of minutes until the notification is happy. Then I'll grab some water, probs another coffee and get back to it! The dream :D However, Claire Venus and I are planning a wee writing retreat... for this we'll go somewhere nice and I'll probably order oat milk flat whites on tap!
What music do you listen to while writing?
I prefer silence!! I have on occasion listened to an ambient 'work' playlist but for the most part I can listen to music with words as I'll find myself singing along and dancing like I'm on top of the pops.
Until next time.
My memoir-in-progress is not all erotic, but this section is a hymn to female appetite.
Getting stuck is a writing hazard. This time it was vocab, next time it’ll be something else!
It’s just the same for non male-focused words. Trust me.
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Thanks for including me babes! Now off to read your memoir 👀🥵😂