Heart wrenchingly beautiful words, thank you for your courage, I see you and holding you in my heart.
One M couldn’t replace another M, I don’t think I’ll ever forget this expression ❤️
I have a fantasy of gathering with other women and howling into the earth, after digging a huge hole with our bare hands. I know it will happen some day! X
I love this post Danusia. Your loss is palpable and so is your strength. I wish more people would give themselves permission to howl their loss. The body knows what is needed for healing. Personally I have been known to howl at the wild west coast beaches of my hometown Auckland, where the waves boom and crash so loud that noone can hear you. The ocean can absorb the intensity of the emotion. The energy it moves is powerful. Sending love to you ❤️
Beautifully written. I don’t know the pain or grief of losing a child but I’ve known different kinds of grief. This spoke to me: “The more kindly I accepted myself as an animal who needs to howl the more I’ve become able to welcome in the glory of new life and the privilege of living.” Thank you for sharing.
Wow I have no words for what you experienced. I definitely can understand grief even though it’s not for the same reason. Grief also results from death of dreams which society dismisses, known as disenfranchised grief and that’s just wrong. Grief will change you no matter the cause.
Danusia, my condolences for your loss of Madeline. This is a beautifully- raw, powerful statement of grief, growth AND a conduit of empathy for others who need to howl.
I'd like to share your article in one where I've shared a piece of my own grief: 'Life grows around grief'. I hope more people will read your article.
Our experiences of grief are as unique as we are, wholly different AND yet, cemented together because we each suffer - our common humanity and depth of empathy, connects us uniquely too. Thank you.
Thank you for so intimately sharing your heart with us Danusia 🌹✨ I could feel so deeply how much your body longed to visit the hills & howl. How did it feel when you finally gave way to the call of She? It must have been liberating I imagine. Honouring you through all you walked with your baby daughter in womb & arms, the deep grief & sorrow that followed her short but powerful life x
I feel I have some unprocessed grief from my postpartum/the system/motherhood/sisterhood/womanhood/the village or lack there of, stuck in my throat…maybe a trip to the ocean to howl it out will support 🐺🌊
Thank you for meeting this piece with such tenderness. That means so much to me 🫶🏼
And oh, the grief that lives in the throat… I hear you. The postpartum grief, the village that wasn’t there, the ache of womanhood that never fully got witnessed. If the ocean calls you—go. Howl it out. We need more women letting the sound out instead of holding it in. 🐺🌊
That is interesting, because when my daughter was a baby, one of the other babies in our post natal group died due to SIDS. We went to his funeral, and when his mother walked in behind the coffin, she gave this great howl of grief, sending everyone into instant floods of tears. That is a noise I hope never to hear again, I mean because I don't want another baby to die, not because I want mothers to suppress their grief. But it was a primeval sound, not something to be suppressed/ mocked/ sanitised. Women need to be free, not sanitised or restricted to being 'nice' 24/7.
Danusha, your heart and howl are are beautifully, poignantly expressed here. As you've experienced, it's not just the emotion, mind, and spirit (whatever that means to you), but also the body that loves and holds the loss and the kaleidoscope of feelings that are grief. Literally for you, as a mother, you held a life, an M-child, you didn't get to meet except through that inner feeling—which when you think about it, is the deepest of connections we can have with anyone ... to love a person, to know them as an inhabitation of our very bodies and selves. While many of us do howl for the ones we love, you're right that it doesn't get talked about much. I'm glad you found your howl and shared it. Thank you for this body of writing, and thank you for including me and my Substack, The PoetOwl, in your list of grief resources. Namaste.
Consider me a grief ally if this is the way to put it. Although it’s so different for each person a golden thread joins us. Sending you love and thanks x
What a wonderful piece of writing, thank you so much for sharing. I can't imagine the depth of sorrow that must accompany such a loss, but am filled with empathy reading your words, and am so happy to read you've found some peace
“Grief matures. Mine grew up from wanting to howl on the daily and into voicing what needs to be said. I replaced my fierce howl wishes and befriended a practice of not swallowing emotions and words.” This was such a beautiful and powerful piece. My heartfelt condolences for the loss of Madeline.
This is a heartfelt and beautiful piece Danusia - Bessel van der Kolk knew a thing or two when he wrote the classic 'The Body Keeps the Score' and howling is such a visceral way of connecting to that animal body of grief. Honouring little Madeline in this space. Much love.
Heart wrenchingly beautiful words, thank you for your courage, I see you and holding you in my heart.
One M couldn’t replace another M, I don’t think I’ll ever forget this expression ❤️
I have a fantasy of gathering with other women and howling into the earth, after digging a huge hole with our bare hands. I know it will happen some day! X
You can count on me to dig beside you Sarina. When you want to convert that into reality, I’ll be there.
Thank you for your generosity. And sisterhood x
In some reality, if not this one, we will dig together and howl!
I am ready to dig & howl under the moon 🌕
I love this post Danusia. Your loss is palpable and so is your strength. I wish more people would give themselves permission to howl their loss. The body knows what is needed for healing. Personally I have been known to howl at the wild west coast beaches of my hometown Auckland, where the waves boom and crash so loud that noone can hear you. The ocean can absorb the intensity of the emotion. The energy it moves is powerful. Sending love to you ❤️
How amazing that you allow yourself this! I’m happy and tearful for you.
The body is wise. If we listen and give it permission and tenderness.
Your love landed. Thank you. X
Better words to express experiences and feelings would be brilliant!
辛苦你了
That was a powerful essay Danusia. 💙
That means a lot to me Remy. Thank you.
Beautifully written. I don’t know the pain or grief of losing a child but I’ve known different kinds of grief. This spoke to me: “The more kindly I accepted myself as an animal who needs to howl the more I’ve become able to welcome in the glory of new life and the privilege of living.” Thank you for sharing.
Your comment made my day. Thank you so much Tracy xx
Wow I have no words for what you experienced. I definitely can understand grief even though it’s not for the same reason. Grief also results from death of dreams which society dismisses, known as disenfranchised grief and that’s just wrong. Grief will change you no matter the cause.
Exactly this Miriam. I love your wisdom. Death of dreams, now that's grief strickening stuff!
Danusia, my condolences for your loss of Madeline. This is a beautifully- raw, powerful statement of grief, growth AND a conduit of empathy for others who need to howl.
I'd like to share your article in one where I've shared a piece of my own grief: 'Life grows around grief'. I hope more people will read your article.
Our experiences of grief are as unique as we are, wholly different AND yet, cemented together because we each suffer - our common humanity and depth of empathy, connects us uniquely too. Thank you.
“AND a conduit of empathy for others who need to howl”
This.
Thank you Victoria.
I’m grateful for inclusion in your ‘Life grows around grief’ article! 🙏🏻 for your work.
Thank you for so intimately sharing your heart with us Danusia 🌹✨ I could feel so deeply how much your body longed to visit the hills & howl. How did it feel when you finally gave way to the call of She? It must have been liberating I imagine. Honouring you through all you walked with your baby daughter in womb & arms, the deep grief & sorrow that followed her short but powerful life x
I feel I have some unprocessed grief from my postpartum/the system/motherhood/sisterhood/womanhood/the village or lack there of, stuck in my throat…maybe a trip to the ocean to howl it out will support 🐺🌊
Thank you for meeting this piece with such tenderness. That means so much to me 🫶🏼
And oh, the grief that lives in the throat… I hear you. The postpartum grief, the village that wasn’t there, the ache of womanhood that never fully got witnessed. If the ocean calls you—go. Howl it out. We need more women letting the sound out instead of holding it in. 🐺🌊
Sending love as you walk with it all.
Just came me back to read for the second time. Thank you ♥️
Olivia I'm hoping we will meet ;)
I'd love to meet. I've just committed to spend a few months in the UK and potentially move back :)
That is interesting, because when my daughter was a baby, one of the other babies in our post natal group died due to SIDS. We went to his funeral, and when his mother walked in behind the coffin, she gave this great howl of grief, sending everyone into instant floods of tears. That is a noise I hope never to hear again, I mean because I don't want another baby to die, not because I want mothers to suppress their grief. But it was a primeval sound, not something to be suppressed/ mocked/ sanitised. Women need to be free, not sanitised or restricted to being 'nice' 24/7.
Danusha, your heart and howl are are beautifully, poignantly expressed here. As you've experienced, it's not just the emotion, mind, and spirit (whatever that means to you), but also the body that loves and holds the loss and the kaleidoscope of feelings that are grief. Literally for you, as a mother, you held a life, an M-child, you didn't get to meet except through that inner feeling—which when you think about it, is the deepest of connections we can have with anyone ... to love a person, to know them as an inhabitation of our very bodies and selves. While many of us do howl for the ones we love, you're right that it doesn't get talked about much. I'm glad you found your howl and shared it. Thank you for this body of writing, and thank you for including me and my Substack, The PoetOwl, in your list of grief resources. Namaste.
Consider me a grief ally if this is the way to put it. Although it’s so different for each person a golden thread joins us. Sending you love and thanks x
Awesome, dear ally. Much love and light to you.
Wow. This touched the soul deeply ❤️
I'm grateful my writing moved you x
Thank you for writing this. Beautiful words to express complexity and love xox
Thanks Alice. That means a lot xox
What a wonderful piece of writing, thank you so much for sharing. I can't imagine the depth of sorrow that must accompany such a loss, but am filled with empathy reading your words, and am so happy to read you've found some peace
Aw thank you Charlotte. It’s lovely to receive your kind words. It’s what we do with what happens to us that matters. 💕
“Grief matures. Mine grew up from wanting to howl on the daily and into voicing what needs to be said. I replaced my fierce howl wishes and befriended a practice of not swallowing emotions and words.” This was such a beautiful and powerful piece. My heartfelt condolences for the loss of Madeline.
Hello Erin! Your words are helping me gather myself for more ‘voicing’. Thank you for your boost! 🫂
This is a heartfelt and beautiful piece Danusia - Bessel van der Kolk knew a thing or two when he wrote the classic 'The Body Keeps the Score' and howling is such a visceral way of connecting to that animal body of grief. Honouring little Madeline in this space. Much love.
Everything you say is infused with in understanding. Isn’t it a gift to be seen, thank you. Sincerely.