Middle Aged, Full Throttle

Parents that Write #29 Q&A with Shelly Mazzanoble

Welcome to Parents That Write.

Parent writers, artists, and creators are more than just their ‘chaos’. We’re publishing books, dropping albums, optioning screenplays, and making magic every day.

HOW DO THEY DO IT? That's what we're here to find out. Each week, my guests tackle eight quick-fire questions, plus a few wildcards. But first, a peek into my own creative life:

No-Fluff Notes from my Writing Life

NOISE, my motherhood book, began on a remote Scottish island, scribbled between crab hunts and tick checks with my brood of kids. Two publishers circled, each eager for their own version of the book. But I wanted mine.

So I said no to their shaping and yes to full creative control.

I built an indie press from scratch, secured top flight editors, chose a top-tier printer and interviewed world-renowned cover designers. And then picked the Master. Rodrigo Corral.

I wrote the actual manuscript in 18 days¹, from bed, under a cashmere blanket, with Taylor Swift on repeat, snacking on tomato soup and crackers. Hired one of Penguin Random’s typesetters...

And then I let it go.

This week, I’m here to say one simple thing: once a book is born, it travels. NOISE began to move without me. It landed in hands I never could have predicted, in places I’ll never set foot. And the wildest part? We never get to choose which lines hit, which hearts crack open, or where the ripple lands.

I cringe to share this image but it is all part of the let go of our book ‘baby’.

Amazon screenshot

Next week, I’ll be joined by

Wake Lloire

, whose writing pulses with inventive form, surprising emotional turns, and the kind of detail that sticks after you close the tab. Hope to see you there for the next step in this journey.

My guest today is

Shelly Mazzanoble

who is like a full-blown genre shift. With award-winning books on Dungeons & Dragons, essays on motherhood that pull no punches, and a Substack that swerves from midlife dread to reality TV gold, she makes the contradictions of parenting feel both relatable, and riveting.

If you like your truth with a side of fire and fun, you’re in the right place. Here’s what she makes of my questions:

Share a broad snapshot of your life. Who are you parent to and/or have caring responsibilities for?

My name is Shelly. Sometimes I go by “mama,” “bruh,” or “the harpy” (my favorite) depending on who’s addressing me. I became a mom in advanced maternal age. You can also call me “geriatric” like every after visit health summary from my doctor during my pregnancy. I’ve been called worse.

I am a late-bloomer. I got married months before turning forty and we were pretty much like Honeymoon! House! Get that baby in there STAT! Kind of retro, right? Thankfully I had an uncomplicated pregnancy.

I ended up needing a c-section which came with this weird trappings of “guilt” and “shame” which I was not prepared for. I knew we were “one and done” with kids and it was like I f’ed up my one chance to do it “the right way.”

(Those hospital classes really don’t prepare you for surgical births or the emotions that come with them. Story for another day!) Seeing my friends with their “normal” vaginal births wobbling in and out of physical therapy really helped put things in perspective! I have a tiny scar but my lady parts didn’t need their own Modern Health account.

My son is now 11 and basically the greatest human that ever lived. While, yes, I feel like he’s growing up too fast and time is slipping away, I’m also blown away by what a cool, little human he’s becoming.

My husband is incredibly patient, kind, and funny. Strangers often refer to him as, “That poor, poor man.”

By day, I work full-time in the gaming industry. Recently I switched from Brand Management and marketing to philanthropy and cause marketing and I am loving this new world so much! Ask me anytime about the social emotional benefits associated with kids playing Dungeons & Dragons. Adults too! I am obsessed with it!

Where can we find you?

You can find me cleaning the kitchen for the 94th time today and complaining loudly about it. Oh-- you mean online? Right. I spend most of my time on Substack writing about my hot, sweaty adventures of middle-aged parenting. It’s humor in case that wasn’t obvious. Also let me know if that wasn’t obvious so I can work on my pitch!

Can you share favourite praise for your writing?

Someone just wrote this about a post I wrote about the weird books men are reading to education themselves on menopause:

“This had me cackling in solidarity. The ‘morning poo’ stash, the full-haired fantasy woman on the cover, the pure secret smut, I felt SEEN. I’ve got a whole mental folder of menopause rage and mystery symptoms, and you somehow made it hilarious. Please never stop going down sweaty rabbit holes for our entertainment.”

I love it because: A). I love compliments B). It’s why I write!

I want readers to feel seen. I want to entertain. I want people to laugh at the absurdity and also commonality of life. You can laugh with or at me. It’s all good. I have thick skin-- especially around my middle.

Why do you write?

Knowing a little about me now, this may come as a shock to you, but I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR MOTHERHOOD AT ALL. My poor baby! Thank goodness they don’t retain memories until they're 23 years-old. (They don’t, right?)

I took the hospital classes, read the books, talked to my friends, consulted my mom’s psychic and yet-- I was riddled with anxiety and fear. Looking back I probably needed some help, but I answered those questions from your doctor at the 6-week check-up and was told this was all “normal” and probably just “baby blues.”

If it was normal, then we really need to talk about it and prepare mothers for it. (I’m still not sure becoming paralyzed with fear over the thought of changing your baby’s onesie or having constant visions of crows carrying your baby off in their stroller are “normal”-- especially because OMG how big are those crows that can carry off a stroller!-- but sure, okay…)

I started writing the things I wished someone told me. Totally honest. Totally embarrassing. Totally “normal.” I hate the thought of new moms feeling incompetent or lonely or afraid. They have the teen years to feel like that!

If I can give one new mom comfort or a feeling of solidarity and laugh until she pees in those hospital-issued mesh underwear-- then my work is done!

What does the inside of your writing mind look like?

So, I've never been in a writer’s room for a TV show but I like to think that’s what’s happening in my brain. A big wall of ideas on Post-It notes, people shouting ideas back and forth, lots of candy. Observational humor is my favorite. I love looking at the world through humor-tinted glasses and finding the laughs in the mundane.

Thankfully motherhood and middle-aged are just fertile crops of endless fodder. Especially when those worlds collide like suffering a massive hot flash at your kid’s basketball game and getting your head stuck in your sweatshirt in your attempt to rip it off your body. HIGH COMEDY, right there! I only wear cardigans now.

How is your ability to write affected by being a parent and your ability to parent affected by your writing?

Well they say write what you know (which should indicate I've got no business writing about parenting but here we are!) I do think it's totally natural to write about the parts of your life that are most prevalent or consuming. I'm not out there giving people fashion advice or political takes for good reason!

The part that I'm struggling with the most is now that my son is 11, how do I write about him? I'm always telling him, "the internet is forever so be careful what you write!" The same is true for me! When I tell stories about my experience as a mom, I'm essentially telling his story too, right? Or at least a version of it.

Even just becoming a "character" in my stories, requires some level of permission, which most tweens aren't able to fully understand. They all want to be on YouTube so he's like "Hell yeah, write about me! Am I famous yet?"

I always try to review my writing with the filter of, "Will this embarrass him 10 years from now? Will this prevent him from getting a job or getting into college? Will he use this as an excuse to stop coming home for Christmas one day???"

I also use my husband as a sounding board. Not sure if this is a blessing or a curse, but my son is showing signs of becoming a writer himself. No idea if he'll pursue it one day, but at least his rebuttals to my parenting stories will be very well-written.

How often do you write with your child around or not, and what kind of writing do you get done when your child is nearby?

I work full-time so my writing time is usually after the kid goes to bed and he's a bit of a night owl so I am too by association. I also get a lot done on weekends. (It's Sunday morning as I write this and the kid is playing Minecraft with a friend and the husband is sleeping and I'm drinking a pot of coffee and loving life!)

I actually love when my son sees me writing in hopes that's the behavior he ends up modelling and not the other stuff!

What is your best writing habit?

Writing is a muscle that needs to be exercised daily. Even if you don't feel like it, don't produce anything "good", or have a million other things to do, just sit down and write something-- anything.

A. it's usually better than you think in the moment and
B. you're building a routine and feeding the creative machine.

Also, make friends with the editing process. Be ruthless. Get to the point (so hard for me) quickly and don't take things personally. Writing is subjective. You're not everyone's cup of tea and that's okay. Focus on the people who lift you up and welcome your words into their inbox every week! (Also easier said than done!)

What are the three most important characteristics of being a writer who is a parent?

Okay not sure what the adjective is for this but you have to put the guilt aside associated with doing something FOR YOU. Writing is not a "guilty pleasure." You do not have to stop doing the things you loved before just because you are a parent. That's how resentment builds.

Also grace because you're just out here doing your best and opportunistic because yelling ideas into the Notes app on your phone while waiting in the school pick-up line totally counts as writing and you gotta take those moments of inspiration when you can!

What or who is your secret writing weapon?

Probably my husband who is also a writer and understands the importance of carving out this time to be creative. We give each other the space to go off and do our thing and pick up each other's slack if needed.

What or who has been the most significant creative influence in your life?

My mom. She had a great sense of humor and was hands-down my BEST audience! Making her laugh was my greatest joy and probably because she laughed at everything! She taught me how important it was to have a sense of humor and appreciate funny people.

What are your coping tactics for being (constantly) interrupted in your thought process?

I like to take a dramatic beat, turn around slowly in my desk chair, and in my best MOM VOICE and very simply but firmly ask, "What?" Make sure you really emphasis the T in "what." It's like, "WhuuuuuuuTTTTTT?" 9 out of 10 times it's a kid looking for food.

You’re a writer: name 3 of your procrastination techniques.

1. Add all 35 of the "BEST HOME ORGANIZATION GADGETS ON AMAZON" to my wishlist
2. Google "Why am I so bloated?"
3. Pet my dog.

How much torture/pleasure is involved in your writing life and in what form does it come?

Oh wow, I love this question! I remember reading this quote from Shirley Hazzard about writing: “It's nervous work. The state you need to write in is the state that others are paying large sums of money to get rid of.” And I'm like "Oh yeah, I want in on THAT!"

The torture comes from wanting to get the words out of your head and onto the page. And then there's all the rejection, feeling like you're writing into the void, the overthinking, the over-editing, the feeling like you're wasting your time, the wanting something sooooo bad but really not sure what "it" is.

The pleasure for me is what someone might also consider torture but I love being alone. I'm a very social introvert. Being "alone" with the characters in my head, listening to their stories, workshopping their ideas-- that's my happy place! And when someone says those ideas resonate with them or you made them laugh or feel seen-- that is really what makes this all worth it!

Closing out this Column with:

“Easy reading is damn hard writing” -- Nathaniel Hawthorne

PARENTS WHO THINK (AND CREATE) TO THE COMMENTS 👇🏻

Shelly’s reflections on parenting, fantasy, and unexpected wisdom had me nodding (and laughing) in recognition.
What’s the strangest place you’ve found actual parenting insight? A podcast? A poem? A side character on a TV show you pretend not to watch? Plonk the insight in a comment, and tell us where you found this nugget!

Sending you love + creative juice,
Danusia x

1. Years and years of notes and work went into the shaping of this book. I was supported by family who provided childcare over the Christmas as I wrote, and wrote, and wrote with hyper-focus.