Hearing that you lost a friend over making yourself a better parent hurts my heart. I took a several months break from alcohol at one point, and one of my dearest friends told me to “call [her] when I’m drinking again so we can hang out.” I hadn’t realized alcohol was facilitating our friendship.
Once I reincorporated alcohol into my life, we did see each other again, but I eventually made the decision to stop spending time with her. Though I still adore her, her insistence on having wine as part of any activity we did was absolutely not worth it. Wine became every activity. She’s planning on having her first child soon, maybe I’ll send her your post.
Confession: in my substack mismanagement I sent two pieces out on the same day. Serious muck up and red cheeks. It took me ovaries to write this dry parenting one and I was so blasted upset with myself I let it slide under the rug. I’m super grateful you wrote a comment and woke me out of my daftness- thank you!
Oh my gosh you just made me laugh so hard! I have no idea what you mean but I just saw I was tagged in both posts and commented! But anyway - I just love your writing!! I’m so happy to “meet” you. Your perspective is wonderful and I just adore you and don’t even know you! 😊
Oh my gosh Danusia - I love everything you share here. Thank you for shining a light on this. And thank you so much for sharing my publication alongside so many other brilliant writers.
As you know, I am also a sober mum and I really relate to that shift from self-hatred to self-compassion you speak of. It is SUCH a gift for ourselves and for our children.
Oh I feel such resonance with what you describe here. I love how you compare the slow pull of wine that began as you got deeper into parenting (the murky grayness of it all) and how much it clouded not just how you related to your kids, but also how you related to YOU and your needs.
This line gave me a full stop:
“I faced the irrefutable truth that my body is not a coffin for pain to be buried in.” Because, yeah. That’s where my pain went when I relied on alcohol to “soothe”. I got hammered and the nails just got hammered even deeper into that coffin. Unpacking all the pain in sobriety is hard work and the truest gift underneath it all. We get to feel it all now and that is a blessing.
Thanks so much for the mention to DARE TO BE DRY and I’m so glad to have found your work!
Hearing that you lost a friend over making yourself a better parent hurts my heart. I took a several months break from alcohol at one point, and one of my dearest friends told me to “call [her] when I’m drinking again so we can hang out.” I hadn’t realized alcohol was facilitating our friendship.
What a discovery Laura. Isn’t it a shocker when we ‘clock’ dynamics of a relationship that revolved around booze! 🫂
How’s your friendship with this friend now?
Once I reincorporated alcohol into my life, we did see each other again, but I eventually made the decision to stop spending time with her. Though I still adore her, her insistence on having wine as part of any activity we did was absolutely not worth it. Wine became every activity. She’s planning on having her first child soon, maybe I’ll send her your post.
Some bells can’t be unrung once we’ve heard them 🔔 your idea to send her my essay made me laugh xo
great post - and thanks for the shout out!! awesome story you have. much love to you on your journey!
Confession: in my substack mismanagement I sent two pieces out on the same day. Serious muck up and red cheeks. It took me ovaries to write this dry parenting one and I was so blasted upset with myself I let it slide under the rug. I’m super grateful you wrote a comment and woke me out of my daftness- thank you!
Sending big love back to you xo
Oh my gosh you just made me laugh so hard! I have no idea what you mean but I just saw I was tagged in both posts and commented! But anyway - I just love your writing!! I’m so happy to “meet” you. Your perspective is wonderful and I just adore you and don’t even know you! 😊
Oh my gosh Danusia - I love everything you share here. Thank you for shining a light on this. And thank you so much for sharing my publication alongside so many other brilliant writers.
As you know, I am also a sober mum and I really relate to that shift from self-hatred to self-compassion you speak of. It is SUCH a gift for ourselves and for our children.
Oh I feel such resonance with what you describe here. I love how you compare the slow pull of wine that began as you got deeper into parenting (the murky grayness of it all) and how much it clouded not just how you related to your kids, but also how you related to YOU and your needs.
This line gave me a full stop:
“I faced the irrefutable truth that my body is not a coffin for pain to be buried in.” Because, yeah. That’s where my pain went when I relied on alcohol to “soothe”. I got hammered and the nails just got hammered even deeper into that coffin. Unpacking all the pain in sobriety is hard work and the truest gift underneath it all. We get to feel it all now and that is a blessing.
Thanks so much for the mention to DARE TO BE DRY and I’m so glad to have found your work!