This capital 'A' Artist

Parents that Write #26 Q&A with Heidi Fiedler

Welcome to Parents That Write.

Parent writers, artists, and creators are more than just their ‘chaos’—we’re publishing books, dropping albums, optioning screenplays, and making magic every day.

How do they do it? That's what we're here to find out. Each week, my guests tackle eight quickfire questions, plus a few wildcards. But first, a peek into my own creative life:

No-Fluff Notes from my Writing Life

The Book Hangover No One Warns You About

There’s a moment when you hand your manuscript to an editor that feels like the ultimate trust fall. You’ve spent months (or, years) consumed by this thing, shaping it, knowing every beat, every breath, every argument inside out. And then, suddenly, it’s not just yours anymore.

It’s terrifying. Exhilarating. And a little like handing your newborn to a stranger and whispering, Please don’t drop it.

It should feel like relief. Like Ahh, I’m free! But actually, it’s just part one of the comedown. Because the truth is, the book still feels private. It’s in the editor’s hands, but the world hasn’t seen it yet. You’re in limbo, waiting for the next stage.

Then comes the real letting go.

The moment the book is out. No take-backs, no sneaky edits. Just you, exposed, while the world reacts (or doesn’t). It’s a weird, gut-punching mix of pride, panic, and “oh shit, people are actually reading this.”

You brace yourself for feedback, for praise, for silence. Whatever comes, there’s no undoing it.

And that’s where the anti-book launch idea started brewing. The idea of not playing the game of hype and forced celebration. Of choosing a different kind of entry into the world. Because maybe, just maybe, some books need something quieter.

More on that real soon when I pop myself in the hot seat, answering the very questions I’ve put to my guests. I’m going to take a short breather from Parents That Write over Easter. And then I’ll be getting into my own creative process, the highs, the struggles, and everything in between. A fresh call for submissions will also be set loose after Easter 🐣 🐣 Let me know if you’d like to be part of this series. Hope to see you here!

Today, I’m delighted to be in conversation with

Heidi Fiedler

of

Nebula Notebook

where creative mothers get real about writing while wrangling kids, chaos, and never enough caffeine. No fluffy advice, just honest convos, smart hacks, and the belief that you can build a book, even when life is a three-ring circus.

Share a broad snapshot of your life. Who are you parent to and/or have caring responsibilities for?

I work from home as a children's book writer and editor. I also write about creativity and motherhood. I live with my mom, husband, and son. Our family is neurodivergent, and I'm very grateful for the flexibility that my schedule gives us. I don't know how anyone works full time and does drop off and pick up. Our son is autistic and needs extra support, which makes the juggling that is modern parenthood even more intense.

Where can we find you?

Website | Instagram | Substack

Can you share favourite praise for your writing?

Nice words about my Substack:

“Your authenticity and support shines in everything you do.”

“Heidi’s writing is vulnerable, open, sometimes funny, sometimes teary, always written with a clarity of purpose”

“Heidi is a force of calm and encouragement. She’s really honest about the challenges of caregiving and writing, and she provides lots of helpful tips for getting the work done anyway.”

Why do you write?

I probably started writing because my teachers told me I was good at it, and that felt exciting. But I kept going, because every time I took a break from writing, I missed it. Writing helps me understand my thoughts and feelings, and when I share my writing, it feels like a rare chance to express myself exactly the way I want.

What does the inside of your writing mind look like?

I love this question! I always say that I write picture books because that's the way my mind thinks. Theme is easy for me. Succinctness comes naturally to me. I like the poetry of choosing just the right word. I'm probably never going to write an epic sci-fi trilogy, even though I like reading those books. My brain just doesn't work that way. So maybe the inside of my brain looks like a budding flower garden, but like a box garden with tidy rows, not a dense, wild thicket of a garden.

How is your ability to write affected by being a parent and your ability to parent affected by your writing?

My ability to write is completely tied to being a mother. Not only do I have less time and energy, my schedule is unpredictable, and a sick day or a meltdown can bring down the most inspired plans. I don't know if my ability to parent is affected by my writing. I might be distracted by a project, but I don't think it's realistic to expect parents to devote every waking hour to their children. In some ways I wish my ability to parent was more affected by my writing. Then maybe there would be a way to make more time for it!

Writers and mothers are so undervalued, and much of the work we do is invisible, which can make both jobs feel extra hard. I know when I have a day where I feel more or less competent at being a mother or fairly productive and articulate as a writer, I feel more confident overall, and that is energizing in all areas of my life.

How often do you write with your child around or not, and what kind of writing do you get done when your child is nearby?

I've never been someone who could write with people around. Maybe I could handle a blog post or an email, but I don't want to journal or take notes on a new idea with someone there, however old they are, and my son has never been the kind of kid who will color quietly as I tippy tap on the laptop.

But if I want to write during this phase of life, I have to write in less than ideal circumstances. When my son is at OT or PT, I usually have my notebook out or I make notes in the margins of a manuscript. In these moments, I feel like I'm approaching writing sideways. I don't let myself look too closely at it. I jot down anything that pops into my head. Later I am sometimes surprised by what I wrote, as though I was in a fugue state. But I trust myself to make sense of it when I'm back at home and the house is quiet.

What is your best writing habit?

Writing Wild by Tina Welling helped me see it's ok to count even a word or two as writing. She encourages writers to observe something in nature, list whatever you notice, and then jot down memories or associations that bubble up during that time. It's organic and slow, and it feels way more relatable than trying to write 500 words a day.

Of course you can make progress that way, and I'm all for outlines later in the process, but when you're at the very beginning and have no idea what you're even making, baby steps can feel more manageable. So I think my best writing habit is writing down anything and everything that feels important and gathering it all in a notebook without forcing myself to make connections or make it take shape before it's ready. It could be a word or a doodle, but I still count it as writing, and it still feels like progress.

What are the three most important characteristics of being a writer who is a parent?

➡️ Patience

➡️ The ability to enjoy the process

➡️ An openness to change

What or who is your secret writing weapon?

Believing it's possible--looking for opportunities to daydream, journal, take notes, read, and explore an idea is the first step. If I thought it was impossible to squeeze writing in, I would be right. But I believe it's possible, so I find ways to do it.

What or who has been the most significant creative influence in your life?

Creative friends! The people who know what's going on behind the scenes and believe in my work enough to say keep going.

What are your coping tactics for being (constantly) interrupted in your thought process?

Can we get paid for this skill? I'm a MASTER at resetting. Why? Part of it is probably desperation. I am keenly aware of how much time I have, and I'm not going to waste it.

I think part of it is also unhooking from the story that people are interrupting you because they don't care about you or your work. That might be true, but focusing on that will not help you get back into writing mode. The quicker you can shake it off, the quicker you can bounce back.

I also like to think that my brain is working in the background, so if for some reason I can't get back to my work, I let my unconscious keep working and trust that when I get back to my manuscript, I'll have an easier time, because my intuition has already been doing some of the work for me.

I think it helps to know what part of the writing process you're in. If you're in the early dreaming stages, then your only job is to get the ideas down. So jump back into that and get it done however you can after an interruption. If you're later in the process and you have an outline, check off what you did last and move on to the next thing when you get back to your writing, just like you would with an instruction manual. If you're doing line edits and trying to find the perfect word for something, highlight the section you're working on and trust yourself to pick up where you left off.

I also like to have a notebook by me when I'm writing, so if I think of a task or question, I can write it down. It might eventually end up as a reminder in my phone, but at least it stops me from picking up my phone in the middle of a writing session and interrupting myself on top of everything!

How much torture/pleasure is involved in your writing life and in what form does it come?

I used to secretly hate writing, but once I became a mom, I knew there was no way I could keep writing if I didn't find a way to love it. I've gotten really good at enjoying the process and letting myself see writing as a treat that I get to do, not something I have to grind out.

It helps to see myself as a capital ‘A’ Artist. A little eccentric. Dreamy. Creative. Playful. Unpredictable. Delighted by life. Full of curiosity. Taking pleasure in the process. Having a vision and sharing it with the world. That mindset really helps me enjoy the process, which helps me keep coming back to it, even when life is intense.

The torture part comes in with the publishing process. Publishing is broken for so many people. And even when it works, it is incredibly slow, and it's unlikely that you'll make any money. I have to separate writing from publishing and focus on the part I can control.

The publishing process is something that I've had to make peace with again and again. Sometimes I don't have the emotional reserves, and I take a break from submitting. Other times I can do more. But I know whatever happens in the publishing process, it doesn't change who I am as a writer.

Do you use any productivity hacks like toggling, Pomodoro, Focusmate?

If I'm in revision mode, I like to make a list of all the elements I want to work on and then assign myself something, so the next time I sit down to work, I know exactly what to focus on and can jump in without scrolling through all my notes and getting overwhelmed.

What are your favourite/preferred writing conditions in terms of clothes, environment, food you eat and anything else that helps you write?

Soft pants! I always wear soft pants, so this isn't really exceptional, but I assure you zero writing is going to get done in hard pants!

What music do you listen to while writing? Share a playlist! please include a link

I like the Beatfulness app. I think it's meant for meditation, but it helps me tune out the world and focus. I set a timer (so I don't pick up my phone to see what time it is) and write until the timer goes off.

Closing out this Column with:

“My dirty secret, my dirty professional secret, is that for almost 40 years, I have kept what’s known as a commonplace book. And what that is, if your readers haven’t heard about it, is it’s a very old term and many writers have kept them. It’s a place where you write down favorite lines from things you read." -- Dwight Garner

CALLING ALL NOTEBOOK NERDS TO THE COMMENTS 📓✨👇🏻

Heidi swears by them. Dwight Garner’s been filling his for 40 years. Writers, dreamers, and book-makers—what’s in yours? Scribbled thoughts, stolen lines, half-baked brilliance? Drop a peek inside in the comments.

Sending you creative juice,
Danusia x