I particularly resonated with your argument that women will think that they have to do this alone. I agree. This is the importance of women's networks, formal or informal, sharing their experiences and being in a safe place to be able to say, "Hey, I did this," and receive affirmation, recognition, and acknowledgement from other women.
1. It gives the woman an opportunity to not do "this" alone
2. It gives other women the opportunity to practise giving well-deserved recognition and support to other women
This is such a well-written piece. Thank you so much and resonates very, very strongly with me and the work that I do.
Michelle, thank you, and yes, women’s networks are powerful precisely because they interrupt that learned solitude. But I’m also fascinated by what happens inside those networks, beneath the empowerment language.
Because if we’re honest, women don’t enter these spaces as blank slates. We bring the architecture we’ve lived inside: the hierarchies, the scarcity logic, the subtle conditioning that taught us which kinds of women are “safe” to affirm and which ones we keep at arm’s length.
So the work I’m most interested in in relation to this is what happens after the first round of applause.
How do we navigate the tiny reflexes of comparison, the hesitations around brilliance, and inherited suspicion of women who take up space with ease?
How do we build networks that don’t just gather women, but actively dismantle the internalised behaviours that keep us cautious with one another?
For me, the question isn’t “Are women capable of supporting other women?”
We absolutely ARE. The question is:
What gets activated in us when another woman stands unapologetically in her capability and are we willing to meet that without shrinking, competing, or retreating? I almost forgot to add without demonising 😉
That’s where networks become transformational rather than polite.
And it sounds like the work you’re doing is leaning straight into that frontier. I'm so glad we are connected! Kudos across the miles...
I completely agree. When we founded our network, my co-founder and I said, "This has to be a place where women can unashamedly stand in their ambition and not just stand, but talk about it. It's also a place where bragging is actively encouraged."
In fact, some would say that I almost bully women into showing off and sharing their accomplishments, and we have a strictly enforced rule: no mean girls allowed.
Because let's face it, all of us have got the internalised patriarchy and misogyny which tells us in that nasty mean voice which tells us to compete with other women.
And I wonder why I burnt out and felt so resentful in corporate! I make a point now of acknowledging others great work and encouraging them to celebrate it too. Plus speaking up at home when my husband just presumes I’ve ‘got it’.
Yes, exactly. That quiet assumption that you’ve “got it” is part of the architecture of the blindspot. Naming it — at work and at home — is a powerful correction. Thank you for sharing this Kendall 💖
A precise dissection of a frequently observed - though rarely described (and certainly never with such eloquence) - dynamic. As an aside, I do so love the perfectly placed illustrations that add to the artistry of the piece. Thank you for such a thought provoking essay ❤️
Louise, thank you. That dynamic is so very familiar to many of us, and I’m glad the essay articulated something you’ve witnessed too. I’m delighted the images landed for you as well. I truly enjoy finding illustrations and art that embed messages 🫶🏼
Very well said, you always write beautifully. I’ve wondered about this silence before and what people are feeling or thinking when they are silent in these moments. Are they scared? Worried that if they acknowledge the capability then they are acknowledging that they and others aren’t as capable (even more triggering if they are male) in that moment because we always think things must be binary and only one thing can be true.
Thank you so much, Lisa. That silence isn’t neutral, and it’s rarely about one person’s discomfort. It’s part of a wider reflex that treats capability as a closed system. I’m glad the piece opened something for you. ❤️🔥
Loved reading this article, Danusia! Really resonated with me at a personal level and you raise so many valid points with such incisive observation! Some personal growth work I’ve been doing is around what created me, this capable woman… it’s a personal journey, and each of us will have a different story to tell, I’ve learnt a lot about myself. It’s been very self-assuring, grounding and a chance to reflect on the person I want to be, for myself, without external pressures or expectations.
I look forward to reading more of your thoughts soon!
Thank you, Farzana. I’m glad the piece connected with your own journey. That work of understanding what shaped us and who we want to be beyond expectation is such powerful terrain. I appreciate you being here.
I particularly resonated with your argument that women will think that they have to do this alone. I agree. This is the importance of women's networks, formal or informal, sharing their experiences and being in a safe place to be able to say, "Hey, I did this," and receive affirmation, recognition, and acknowledgement from other women.
1. It gives the woman an opportunity to not do "this" alone
2. It gives other women the opportunity to practise giving well-deserved recognition and support to other women
This is such a well-written piece. Thank you so much and resonates very, very strongly with me and the work that I do.
Michelle, thank you, and yes, women’s networks are powerful precisely because they interrupt that learned solitude. But I’m also fascinated by what happens inside those networks, beneath the empowerment language.
Because if we’re honest, women don’t enter these spaces as blank slates. We bring the architecture we’ve lived inside: the hierarchies, the scarcity logic, the subtle conditioning that taught us which kinds of women are “safe” to affirm and which ones we keep at arm’s length.
So the work I’m most interested in in relation to this is what happens after the first round of applause.
How do we navigate the tiny reflexes of comparison, the hesitations around brilliance, and inherited suspicion of women who take up space with ease?
How do we build networks that don’t just gather women, but actively dismantle the internalised behaviours that keep us cautious with one another?
For me, the question isn’t “Are women capable of supporting other women?”
We absolutely ARE. The question is:
What gets activated in us when another woman stands unapologetically in her capability and are we willing to meet that without shrinking, competing, or retreating? I almost forgot to add without demonising 😉
That’s where networks become transformational rather than polite.
And it sounds like the work you’re doing is leaning straight into that frontier. I'm so glad we are connected! Kudos across the miles...
I completely agree. When we founded our network, my co-founder and I said, "This has to be a place where women can unashamedly stand in their ambition and not just stand, but talk about it. It's also a place where bragging is actively encouraged."
In fact, some would say that I almost bully women into showing off and sharing their accomplishments, and we have a strictly enforced rule: no mean girls allowed.
Because let's face it, all of us have got the internalised patriarchy and misogyny which tells us in that nasty mean voice which tells us to compete with other women.
Such perfect timing reading this. Thank you for writing it. I feel seen.
Thank you, Rebecca. I’m glad it landed. Being seen inside this pattern is part of undoing it. 🥰
And I wonder why I burnt out and felt so resentful in corporate! I make a point now of acknowledging others great work and encouraging them to celebrate it too. Plus speaking up at home when my husband just presumes I’ve ‘got it’.
Yes, exactly. That quiet assumption that you’ve “got it” is part of the architecture of the blindspot. Naming it — at work and at home — is a powerful correction. Thank you for sharing this Kendall 💖
A precise dissection of a frequently observed - though rarely described (and certainly never with such eloquence) - dynamic. As an aside, I do so love the perfectly placed illustrations that add to the artistry of the piece. Thank you for such a thought provoking essay ❤️
Louise, thank you. That dynamic is so very familiar to many of us, and I’m glad the essay articulated something you’ve witnessed too. I’m delighted the images landed for you as well. I truly enjoy finding illustrations and art that embed messages 🫶🏼
Very well said, you always write beautifully. I’ve wondered about this silence before and what people are feeling or thinking when they are silent in these moments. Are they scared? Worried that if they acknowledge the capability then they are acknowledging that they and others aren’t as capable (even more triggering if they are male) in that moment because we always think things must be binary and only one thing can be true.
Thank you so much, Lisa. That silence isn’t neutral, and it’s rarely about one person’s discomfort. It’s part of a wider reflex that treats capability as a closed system. I’m glad the piece opened something for you. ❤️🔥
Loved reading this article, Danusia! Really resonated with me at a personal level and you raise so many valid points with such incisive observation! Some personal growth work I’ve been doing is around what created me, this capable woman… it’s a personal journey, and each of us will have a different story to tell, I’ve learnt a lot about myself. It’s been very self-assuring, grounding and a chance to reflect on the person I want to be, for myself, without external pressures or expectations.
I look forward to reading more of your thoughts soon!
Thank you, Farzana. I’m glad the piece connected with your own journey. That work of understanding what shaped us and who we want to be beyond expectation is such powerful terrain. I appreciate you being here.
This piece resonates strongly. Being perceived as a capable woman can leave one feeling terribly alone. People find it intimidating.
Thank you, Melissa. Yes—people project strength and forget there’s a person underneath. I’m glad this piece met you. ❤️🔥