Felt Brave. Hit Publish.

Parents that Write #37 Q&A with Ray Katharine Cohen

Welcome to Parents That Write.

Parent writers, artists, and creators are more than just their ‘chaos’. We’re publishing books, dropping albums, optioning screenplays, and making magic every day.

HOW DO THEY DO IT? That's what we're here to find out. Each week, my guests tackle eight quick-fire questions, plus a few wildcards. But first, a peek into my own creative life:

No-Fluff Notes from my Writing Life

This Saturday, I’ll be one of ten writers reading at WRITE UP, a one-night literary event in London built from nothing but community, chutzpah, and Amy I Beeson 🐝 and her firm determination to get good work into the world.¹

I’m on last. It’s not at all a grand finale. It just means I get to sit in the dark and listen to everyone else first.

And what a line-up.

But more importantly, the lineup is crammed with writers I think you’ll want in your world.

Matt Taylor (Underclass Hero) writes with class-rage precision and the kind of emotional clarity that rearranges your insides. Louise Morris (Anatomy of a Decision) is six months into her writing life and already one of my favourite new voices. Emma Simpson (Lemon Soul) could probably write about making toast and make it shimmer. Joanna Milne 🏺(Nous Trap) bridges ancient history and modern grief with disarming ease. And Micaela J Ralph (The Disaster Draft) brings sensory memoir that rewires your brain as they go.

There’s also Tom Wentworth (The Dressing Gown Draft) whose recent piece made me weep and howl all in the same read. Then there’s Ranjini (Soft attention curls on my shoulder like a cat) with a tender, portrait of love, language, and loss.

I’ll be reading a new slice of memoir hot off the page and straight to the room. Did I mention this before?! 🤭

The whole night’s stacked, all of us bringing fresh work, on the theme: home and community.

And if you’re in London, UK? Please Come. Tickets are still available

If not, I plan to bring you my piece via an upcoming essay.

As Mary Karr says, “In some ways, writing a memoir is knocking yourself out with your own fist, if it’s done right.”

Wish me luck at swinging my fist,

Danusia x
P.S. I’ve spent an absurd number of hours deciding what to wear to WRITE UP. Not because it’s some fashion show, but because clothes hold ‘power’, and I’m reading something that asks that I show up as the version of me who wrote it? Eep.

Do you love the behind-the-scenes of how people choose what to wear for something that matters? I do. Deeply. If you’re like me, and want the BTS on my outfit decision, tell me in the comments. I’ll happily spill all.

Next week, I’ll bring you Stevie Dillon, the voice behind LifeStyle Business School, where she blends smart marketing insight with sharp emotional intelligence. A former lawyer turned online educator, Stevie is fierce on ambition, generous on truth, and unafraid to name what women want, and what holds them back.

But first, this week’s guest: Ray Katharine Cohen, whose writing feels like being gently returned to yourself.

MEET Ray Katharine Cohen, a group facilitator and writer whose work pulses with longing, for connection, for truth, for shared breath in a world that keeps pulling us apart. On This Is Human she writes like a woman holding open her ribcage: tender, clear, and unafraid of mess. Expect reflections on motherhood, neurodivergence, and the deep, ordinary bravery of being with what is, together.

Share a broad snapshot of your life. Who are you parent to and/or have caring responsibilities for?

I live in Portugal with my husband and two daughters, Zoe is 4 and Nell is almost 2. We immigrated here two and a half years ago and are in many ways still finding our footing.

Our family is neurodivergent and we have not found a childcare situation that feels right for us. I was a full-time mom until around six months ago when my husband went into burnout at the same time that I started desperately needing some space for myself. So now we split the work and kids time; we split the day into two four-hour chunks with time together over lunch and in the evening. I am starting from scratch back in paid work, it is equal parts exhilarating, fulfilling, and terrifying.

Where can we find you?

Substack | Couples Work | Sharing & Witnessing Circles

Can you share favourite praise for your writing?

The fifth essay I ever published on Substack felt very vulnerable and revealing, so I titled it "Felt Brave, Might Delete Later." One of the comments on that essay gave me everything I needed to keep writing with as much vulnerability as I can:
”Please don't delete, this is the best thing I've read on here thus far. Thanks for your honesty and vulnerability, I resonated very much.”

Why do you write?

📍 I write to make sense of my insides.
📍 I write because I have to, because my brain puts sentences together while I play with my kids, do the dishes, meditate, or try to fall asleep.
📍 I write because I have a pulsing need to share my humanity and to walk right through shame and out to the other side.
📍 I write to connect. I really need connection.

What does the inside of your writing mind look like?

Sometimes it is a million ideas all clambering for center stage.
Sometimes it is like a typewriter, slowly and steadily stamping forward. It honestly sounds more than looks, to me. It sounds like a narration of my experiences as they are happening, in prose or poetic form, a longing to reach out and come into contact with another living, breathing human.

How is your ability to write affected by being a parent and your ability to parent affected by your writing?

My ability to write is affected by being a parent in that I often lose the beautiful sentences that want to be shared because they come to me when I am in the thick of parenting little ones and I don't have the time to write them down and save them for later. Sometimes I find this very, very frustrating.
Other times I am blessed and the words stay lodged in my brain until my turn at the computer.

I think my parenting is improved by my writing. I write a lot about motherhood and the parts I find so challenging. I write through my shame which helps me into compassion for myself. Armed with this compassion I tend to have a better chance at being the parent I wish to be. A much better chance than when I am drowning in shame.

How often do you write with your child around or not, and what kind of writing do you get done when they are nearby?

I cannot write with my kids around. I get zero writing done when my children are nearby.

What is your best writing habit, and how did you discover it?

I'm not sure I have any formal writing habits to be honest.
I just write.
When I know I have something that I need to write, I tend to sit down and write it first thing when my work hours begin, and I typically publish it right then and there. I use the time I have and declare it good enough.

What are the three most important characteristics of being a writer who is a parent?

➡️ Choosing to give time for your words and asking for the childcare support that is needed to make that possible.

➡️ A "don't let perfect be the enemy of good" attitude -- publish it. We don't have time for endless edits and writing that is out there is better than writing that isn't.

➡️ Courage. Parenting with self-awareness and revealing your soul through the written word are not for the faint of heart!

What or who is your secret writing weapon?

I am a very fast typist. My fingers can move as quickly as my thoughts and this is very soothing to me. I never feel frustrated that my thoughts are moving too fast, which I always feel in conversation or when taking hand notes.
There was a time when my typing speed was my party trick. Friends would make me take typing tests whenever new people came around!
I honed my skill for typing because I was only allowed educational computer games and the typing one had a cute cat.

What or who has been the most significant creative influence in your life?

I am terrible at choosing "most significant" of anything but for this one I'm going to say my husband. I have perfectionist tendencies and generally throughout my life if I didn't get it right the first time I would just quit. My husband is a master iterator, fully embracing the messiness of process, and I am grateful to be learning this from him. It has made my creativity much more free and unbridled.

What’s your best writing time?

First thing in the morning. Unfortunately I rarely get the pleasure of writing at this time, as my husband's work meetings are usually in the morning.

What motivates you to write amongst the flurry of family life?

If I don't write, if I don't do something that is only for me, I become a monster. I used to be motivated by thinking my family deserves better than that, which of course they do. But now I am motivated by the fact that *I* deserve better than that. I deserve to feel well inside myself, and writing is a big part of that for me.

You’re a writer: name 3 of your procrastination techniques.

1. Reading Substacks.

2. Looking on second-hand clothing apps for things my daughters need.

3. Listening to voice notes from friends.

Until next time.

1. I PROMISE to move on from telling you about this event but honest-to-god this is going to be a big IRL Substack party. Forgive me for being over excitable!