Candlepower for Creatives

Parents that Write #20 Q&A with Elizabeth Austin

Welcome to Parents That Write.

Parent writers, artists, and creators are more than just their ‘chaos’—we’re publishing books, dropping albums, optioning screenplays, and making magic every day.

How do they do it? That's what we're here to find out. Each week, my guests tackle eight quickfire questions, plus a few wildcards. But first, a peek into my own creative life:

No-Fluff Notes from my Writing Life

After narrowing down the designer for NOISE to Rodrigo Corral, I did what any sensible person does when hiring a world-class icon: I wrote a brief and got out of the way.

Succinct, to the point. I wasn’t about to micromanage a creative genius. I made one thing clear—no hackneyed motherhood clichés—and left him to work his magic.

What I didn’t expect was to hate the first two concepts he sent over. I mean, hate in that visceral, “I can't believe this is my book” way.

terrible images but you get the gist. had to search everywhere to find these killed covers!

But here’s the thing: I learned fast that this is part of the process. Early concepts are like rough sketches—necessary but far from final. Once I let go of the panic, I saw this as the dialogue it needed to be.

And then came the pivotal moment. Rodrigo asked me to go deeper, to explain what NOISE was really about. I knew the usual back-and-forth emails wouldn’t cut it, so I did something unconventional.

As a veteran podcaster, audio is an easy format, so I recorded a private podcast episode just for him. No scripts, no bullet points—just me, speaking directly into the mic and spilling the raw heart of my book’s message.

He listened, and as a father himself, it hit home. It transformed the way he viewed NOISE. Suddenly, he wasn’t just designing a cover—he was designing an experience that carried the book’s entire message. From that point on, our creative collaboration came alive.

Next week, I’ll share how those early concepts evolved into the cover NOISE deserved. My guest,

Sarah Whiteside

also joins me to talk about how she balances creative life and parenthood. Hope to see you there for the next step in this journey!

Today, I’m excited to be in conversation with Elizabeth Austin. Her Substack

Writing Elizabeth

chronicles her journey as a solo parent navigating her daughter’s cancer diagnosis during the pandemic. Now writing full-time, she reflects on grief, creativity, and the uncertain road to building a sustainable writing life.

Share a broad snapshot of your life. Who are you parent to and/or have caring responsibilities for?

I'm a single parent to two teens, ages 13 and 14. I'm their sole caregiver, and have been for the majority of their lives- they have no contact with their second parent. I am responsible for the management of our home and the care of everyone living in it. We live in a small town outside of Philadelphia with our cat, Zoro, and our dog, Numa. At the end of 2023 I was let go from my full-time job and I chose to spend all of 2024 to pursue a career in writing. I've been freelancing while I work on seeking agent representation for my memoir-in-progress.

Where can we find you?

My Substack | Instagram | Website

Can you share favourite praise for your writing?

"One thing I love about Liz’s writing is her perfect blend of immediacy and intimacy. In every essay, I am captivated by her narrative choices and her willingness to be wholly on the page without restraint, while invoking a spirit of compassion for every character. In addition to brilliant writing, you’ll find love and openness for humankind on every line." - Andrew Hahn

Why do you write?

I write because it's a space all of my own. I don't owe anyone anything, there isn't anything pulling on my sleeve aside from my next idea or inclination. When I write it's like going into my own little clubhouse. I can be completely myself, totally honest. As a single parent, so much of my life spins on the axis of my children's needs. In writing, I can write for myself first. It's a place where I can take care of myself in ways I can't anywhere else.

What does the inside of your writing mind look like?

It probably would feel, to other people, like a Room of Requirement kind of place. There's stuff everywhere, there's no real system of organization, but I know how to pull things forward and push them back and make space when I need to. It runs like the inside of a clock tower- quite a bit happening, lots of moving parts, but it's all working a single machine. I always have a lot going on. I have, at any one time, six or seven essays in different stages of editing, ten to twelve pitches I'm circulating, and a heap of ideas waiting for some space to clear so they can step forward and get some focus. I love working on a number of things at the same time, so I stay busy.

How is your ability to write affected by being a parent and your ability to parent affected by your writing?

Being a writer makes me a better parent and being a parent makes me a great writer. I'm a single parent, and so I often operate within time constraints. When my kids were younger, it was much harder to prioritize writing, but I've always treated it like eating-- even if I can only do it in small bites and tastes, I make sure I do something every single day. Now that I have two teenagers, it's a bit easier to set time aside for my work, but I'm still a single parent and I love spending time with my kids. I try to write during the day while they're in school, so afternoons are free to hang out with them and focus on their needs. It doesn't always work this way, sometimes (like now) I'm working while they hang out in their rooms or with each other, but I try to treat it like work and keep writing to my working hours.

Much of my writing is centered around being a single parent and my experiences with my kids, so my motherhood informs all of my writing. Parenting my kids alone has taught me dedication and discipline and care that I bring to my work, and I'm grateful for that. Parenting and writing are, for me, two sides of the same coin, forever informing one another.

How often do you write with your child around or not, and what kind of writing do you get done when your child is nearby?

When they were very young I struggled to write when they were around. I have a hard time with external noise when I'm writing-- I can't even listen to music with lyrics when I'm working because I can't hear words while I'm trying to write words. I did most of my writing when they were asleep or occupied, and when I did try to write when they were around it was rushed and fragmented, I'd often leave a thought hanging on the page and when I went back to it I'd forget what I was trying to say. It was intensely frustrating.

Now my kids are older and I can ask for quiet and get it. They understand that my writing is my work and my work is important, and they're very understanding and supportive. But sometimes, my favorite thing happens, and we're all in the living room together, they're reading books, we have some instrumental music playing, and I get to write with my laptop on my lap, my dog napping at my feet, and my two favorite people in the world within reach. I want them to associate my writing with good things, I don't want them thinking of me writing and immediately associating that with stress or frustration. I don't want them growing up believing they're less important than my work- they're as important. Making sure my kids feel valued while also valuing my work is a balancing act I am constantly trying to master.

What is your best writing habit and how did you discover it?

My best writing habit is to get going early. I discovered it by accident, which is to say I stopped drinking and became a morning person, and I found that when the first thing I get done during the day is my writing, I'm a happier person. The rest of my day feels more manageable because no matter what happens, I've gotten my words down. Until I write, I feel like something is hanging over me, and it drags me down as the day goes on. Getting to the page as early as possible every day that I am able has been the key to me getting any writing done at all.

What are the three most important characteristics of being a writer who is a parent?

➡️ Flexibility - I don't want my children to associate my writing with frustration. I don't want them to dread my writing time. When they think of my writing, I want them to feel something positive, and it's up to me to instill that by never being a tyrant about it. That isn't to say I don't get to set boundaries around focused time, but if a glass breaks or a bowl of soup spills and I have to stop what I'm doing to help clean it up, it's not the end of the world. I need to be flexible about my time without breaking.

➡️ Endurance - because both parenting and writing are marathons and it takes stamina to keep moving when you're in the thick of things. It's so easy to find reasons to despair and to find reasons to quit, but there is so much reward and joy in sticking with it.

➡️ Humor - it's essential. I have to laugh, especially at things I can't change or things that might initially feel frustrating (or devastating). If I go to write something down and I'm interrupted halfway through, it doesn't feel good, but it's also a little bit funny- what in the world was I talking about when I wrote, "the brown of the dog's eyes when the sun hits"?? We'll never know! I don't want to ever take things so seriously that I can't learn to laugh about them. So much of writing and parenting is stressful and it's constant work to keep the two going, they're two of the hardest things to do, but learning to laugh- at least sometimes- is what bursts the bubble of stress before it can explode.

What or who is your secret writing weapon?

I wish I had a secret writing weapon! My secret weapon is just me showing up to the page every day. I guess you could say my secret weapon is consistency. I also don't allow myself to get bogged down by rejection-- I maintain a relentless belief in myself and my work. It's like a little candle I hold all the time, and I never allow it to go out.

What or who has been the most significant creative influence in your life?

Female protagonists. I've been reading for as long as I can remember, and I've always been drawn to books that place women at the forefront of the story. They've taught me what is possible, not just in fiction but also in my life. My earliest memory of falling in love with a book is when I read Matilda over and over for weeks under my covers when I was supposed to be asleep, and it's still one of the books I turn to for comfort. Nothing has taught me so much or inspired me so much as the female protagonists in the books I read. I also love a good anti-hero, and I'm a total Stephen King fan!

What are your coping tactics for being (constantly) interrupted in your thought process?

Dealing with interruptions got a lot easer when I gave up on hoping they wouldn't happen. That sounds defeated, but let me explain. I function well when I know what to expect, so half of the frustration of interruptions for me was that I was being interrupted. The other half was that I'd sit down prepared to have uninterrupted time and then be disappointed. I had to come to terms with the fact that if writing and parenting (and pets and life) are to coexist, I should expect interruptions.

I've learned to write fast and not second-guess what I'm putting on the page. Keeping writing and editing separate are key- if I'm trying to edit as I go, I'm losing time to get my thoughts onto the page. I try to stay calm, even though having my thoughts interrupted sometimes makes me want to cry.

It's very, very difficult for me to get my mind back on track once it's knocked off course, but getting upset has never helped, it just makes it harder to refocus. Sometimes I accept that all I'm getting done in a writing session is incoherent fragments in my notes app. I also remind myself that in a year, I'm not going to be thinking about that time my son interrupted my writing to ask for a band-aid or see if I want to watch a show later, but he will likely remember the time he came to his mother for something and I was impatient with him.

What’s your best writing time?

I need to write in the morning. If I wait until the afternoon, I'll have spent my best energy and focus on other things- the mirror I need to hang in the dining room, the dishwasher that needs unloading, cleaning out my raggedy winter sweaters. If I can get to my computer by 8am, and write until noon, I feel really good and can usually get work done that leaves me feeling satisfied for the rest of the day.

I also find that getting my pages done in the morning lifts a specific pressure off of me. If I don't write in the morning, the need to write hangs over me all day, and it kind-of sours my mood a bit until it's done.

What motivates you to write amongst the flurry of family life?

I really love writing. I also know, historically, women have been consumed by family life, often losing themselves in it and watching their ambitions outside of the home be consumed by it. It feels like a sort-of rebellion to keep writing front-and-center in my life, to make it as important as raising my children or caring for my pets. It's the most important thing to me outside of the living creatures in my life.

You’re a writer: name 3 of your procrastination techniques.

Cleaning and home projects. I'm a single parent so mirror hanging, closet organization, and furniture assembly all fall onto my task list, and there is always something waiting for me. If I'm really trying to put something off, I'll clean out a closet or cabinet. It's tricky because I'm technically being productive! Rearranging plants is another home task I love to get lost in instead of working on whatever I'm supposed to be working on. I have close to a hundred plants in my home, and I'll start assessing whether one needs more or less light, whether one would do better hanging, I'll start propagating my pathos and planting propagations I've had going. I can spend all day thinking about my plants, tbh.

I will also talk to my friends or see if anyone wants to get lunch or come over for tea. When I'm working on a section of my book, I have to disconnect my texts from my computer and hide my phone in the laundry basket. I ask my friends to please decline all invitations to socialize until I've confirmed that I've finished what I set out to do- and then I ask if they want to get lunch and celebrate. I also love to plan things with my kids, and so will do that if I'm being work-avoidant. Big deadline coming up? Let's go see a Broadway show or go snowboarding in Vermont. Let's look at AirBnBs for when I bring them along to a conference. Let's go get pizza! I love spending time with them so when faced with something I'm putting off, my go-to is to see what they're up to. They're starting to catch on- my daughter will often ask me if I'm done working when I ask if she wants to go do something, and admitting I'm avoiding the work to her is a surefire way to send me back to my desk.

How much torture/pleasure is involved in your writing life and in what form does it come?

I love writing and I love my writing life. Growing up I believed that writing had to be some form of torture, like it was this agonizing practice, and sometimes it is hard facing down a subject or experience that I find difficult to write about, but I never feel agonized or tortured. When I'm writing, I feel clear-headed. It's all play for me. I even love promoting my work and talking about my work. I don't think there's a right way to come to the page- some people may find writing agonizing, and they will produce beautiful work out of that agony, and it's not any more or less valuable than my work. For whatever reason I just happen to come to the page every day feeling like I can't wait to dive in.

If your writing discipline was a food, what would it be?

A real French baguette. Simple, straightforward, uncomplicated, reliably great, but needs to be eaten fresh the same day it's bought. It isn't bulked up with a lot of extra stuff, there's no trick to it, it's consistently good as long as it's done well.

Do you use any productivity hacks like toggling, Pomodoro, Focusmate?

I don't know if there is a name for what I do, but I am very straightforward. I get my phone as far away from me as possible and putting everything out of my mind as much as I can. I find management tools to be more distracting than helpful, so I just have a physical desk diary and every day I have my list of work I need to get done, whether it's a piece I need to edit or emails I need to answer. I work until I've gotten through that list, starting with writing and moving to admin, and when I'm done I eat lunch.

Which three (parent) writers make you think, “Damn, I wish I could write like this”.

Ursula K. Le Guin- I read her when I need to be reminded of what great writing is, and I read her when I need to be humbled about my own early drafts.

Patti Smith

, who always seems to say exactly what she means to say in the most precise and most beautiful way it can be said. And

Kerri ní Dochartaigh

, whose writing about nature and motherhood consistently opens my eyes to the things I might otherwise let pass me by. Every time I read her work I'm reminded to notice, notice, keep looking at the world around me with awe.

What unfinished writing projects do you have lying about?

I have about a dozen unedited essay drafts, a rough draft of a memoir manuscript, fifty pages of a second memoir manuscript, a full but unedited draft of a fiction novel, three short stories, and dozens of ideas I haven't yet been able to explore. I have more ideas popping into my head than I could ever possibly finish, but I try to write them all down and get to them as I can. It feels good to know I have a bank of content to pull from, so each time I finish a project I have one waiting in line that I can move to.

Share a picture of what ‘A Room of One’s Own’ means to you, and why.

This is the reading area in my bedroom. It's special to me for a few reasons. For most of their early years my kids and I lived with my mother in her basement bedroom that doubled as a storage area, and it was really hard. I had no space that was my own, not even my room, and I used to imagine what it would be like to have my own space where I could set up a chair by a window and work and read. Then we moved into our own place, a small two-bedroom apartment in an old house downtown. I gave my kids the bigger bedroom to share, and I took the tiny back bedroom that barely fit my bed and a desk. I worked at my desk, which was next to a window, but the room was dark, it got terrible light, and it wasn't comfortable. I loved that it was our own space but I still imagined having an actual sitting area in my room. I even bought an enormous egg chair from Target that I'd been wanting for a year. I got it on sale and it took up most of our living room at the time, but I imagined that one day it would be the chair I'd use to read and work from when I had that imaginary sitting area by a window with great light.

Two years ago my upstairs neighbor told me she was moving out and asked if I wanted to take a look at her apartment. It takes up the entire top two floors of the house, and it has three large bedrooms. We moved in, and I took the master bedroom for myself. It has a bay window that looks out onto the yard, and I set up my reading chair along with my late aunt's sewing machine and a trunk I bought at the Brooklyn Flea Market and hauled around with me to every New York apartment I lived in. I don't work much from my sitting area- I have an office off our living room with a desk and all my books and so that's where I work every morning, but I spend afternoons and evenings in my egg chair reading by the open windows. It's in my bedroom so it stays quiet even when my kids have friends over or when they're hanging out in the living room. It's truly a room all my own. I waited for it for a long time.

What are your favourite/preferred writing conditions in terms of clothes, environment, food you eat and anything else that helps you write?

My ideal writing conditions are me in my home at my desk in my office. I write best in an oversized sweater and stretchy denim joggers, wide legged pants, or tights if the sweater is dress-length. I have particulars about my clothing, I need to be comfortable but I can't concentrate if I'm feeling sloppy. I keep a mug of tea going, and I like to have a baguette with butter and jam or dark chocolate to snack on. I play Lofi beats on a speaker across the room and I stuff my phone away somewhere I can't reach for it. The cat usually sits in the windowsill and watches people on the street below and the dog naps by my feet. I like to have the windows open, we live downtown in a small town so there's just enough street noise. I also wear these ridiculous cat paw slippers my kids made me buy at a Japanese store in Philly, they're so unserious but very comfortable so now they're my writing slippers. To be clear, these are my ideal conditions, and because my kids are older I am able to achieve these conditions more and more, but for almost a decade they were dream conditions beyond what I ever thought was possible.

What music do you listen to while writing?

I can't listen to words while I'm trying to write words, so all of my writing music is instrumental. I love Lofi beats, I usually just find a long looping video on YouTube and play it. I try not to over-think things too much because then I'll be focused on finding the right playlist instead of just getting to the writing, but I can't listen to anything I'm too into or I'll stop writing and start listening to the music.

What’s your favourite quote from a writer?

"Perhaps ‘sometimes dead is better’ is grief’s last lesson, the one we get to when we finally tire of jumping up and down on the plastic blisters and crying out for God to get his own cat (or his own child) and leave ours alone. That lesson suggests that in the end, we can only find peace in our human lives by accepting the will of the universe. That may sound like corny, new-age crap, but the alternative looks to me like a darkness too awful for mortal creatures as us to bear." - Stephen King

Closing out this Column with:

“You can’t be afraid to rework-you have to be comfortable killing your darlings” - Amy Twigg

Elizabeth holds onto a relentless belief in herself and her work. She describes it as “like a little candle I hold all the time, and I never allow it to go out”.

How do you keep your belief in your work burning bright, especially when the creative journey gets tough? 🕯️

Till next week,
Danusia x